The Modern Medieval Girl Magazine: Is marriage right for you?!

The Modern Medieval Girl Magazine

Is marriage right for you?!

A magazine advice column written by Verity Ahlin

Worried about marriage and you’re not even fifteen yet?! You are not alone! The expectation to resolve your future right now can be stressful, but this article can help. Don't feel pressure to decide right away if marriage is your path or perpetual virginity is. Read these questions from real girls just like you and maybe it will help you figure it out! And remember, sometimes your Mom isn’t always right!

            Question: “My mother wants me to stay a virgin, but I think it’s just because she is afraid of loosing me. She always says ‘what would I do without you?’ The other day, I asked her why it was okay for her to get married. She told me that I should do as she says, not at she does! She never listens to me. How do I tell her I don’t want to be a virgin forever?!”  ~Liliana, 14

            Answer: That’s a tough one Liliana! First of all, find out if your Mom’s motivations are really to keep you home. Tell her that if you are going to stay a virgin, you want to take it seriously and become a nun and go to a convent far away. If she thinks that is a great idea, then maybe she does think virginity is best. However, if she tries to persuade you to stay home then she is definitely motivated by selfish reasons. To me it sounds like you want to get married, so remember that it's totally fine! Paul says in 1Corinthians 7:28 “if you marry, you do not sin, and if a virgin marries, she does not sin”. As hard as it is, try to be firm in your decision; pressure from parents can be tough.

            Question: “Jerome says that by being a virgin I can be closer to God, but Augustine states that marriage represents the fundamental bond between God and humanity. I’m feeling a lot of pressure because Jerome wrote this letter directly to my mom and me. I feel like I HAVE to be a virgin forever now. HELP! Is there a right or a wrong answer to this?” ~Eustochium, 16

            Answer: There is no wrong answer because this is your decision and your relationship with God. You can be just as close to God in a chaste marriage as you can as a virgin. Neither Jerome nor Augustine is wrong, although they are just not as clear as they should be; neither path is better than the other. It is true that being a perpetual virgin is a way to honor and worship God but that does not negate the significance of marriage. Marriage allows you to worship God in another way. The flesh is not bad; God made us intrinsically good. It is simply sex outside of marriage that is a bad appropriation of the flesh. This may seem like a lot to take in but you should really think about this on your own, and without the outside influence of Jerome or your mother.

            Question: “My parents recently made me read Jerome’s letter to Eustochium, and it made me scared. I think that I want to be a perpetual virgin, but Jerome said that if I failed that that would be the worst thing I could do! Jerome said, “[God] cannot raise a virgin up after she has fallen. He is able to free one who has been corrupted from the penalty of her sin, but he refuses her the crown … Virginity therefore can be lost even by a thought”. Now I’m terrified that after I promise to be a virgin I’ll have an impure thought and God will never be able to forgive me! Should I just get married and forget about being a virgin?” ~Mirabelle, 15

            Answer: Mirabelle, don’t be scared! God loves you! Sinning is human nature; that’s why Jesus died on the cross for us. Living a pure life for Him is a good thing, so you should not be afraid to disappoint Him because of something Jerome said. If you are sure in your heart that you want to be a virgin for God then that is all that matters! You go for it girl, and don’t be afraid! Paul says in 1Corinthians 7:17 “let each of you lead the life that the Lord has assigned, to which God called you”. It sounds to me, Mirabelle, like God has given you a calling; it is up to you to follow that calling without doubt or fear.