Why Does Pop Music Keep Riffing on Ovid?

“Love’s a game, wanna play?” Taylor Swift coyly croons. In the afterlife, Ovid shouts, “YES! Someone gets it!” 

In her 2014 single “Blank Space”, Swift’s protagonist tells us about her “game”: reeling in men just to toss ‘em back as soon as she’s bored. Catch and release! The song has an eerily similar vibe to Ovid’s Ars Amatoria—in which he actually compares women to fish, some of which “are speared … caught on a hook” or “trawled in billowing nets” by wannabe lovers (I, xix).  

The protagonist has a pretty simple strategy when it comes to snaring a new man: “[she’ll] find out what you want” and “be that girl for a month”. She’s definitely read Book I, Part XIX: Be Flexible and knows that “there are as many manners of heart as kinds of face,” therefore, “a wise man will adapt to many forms”. The speaker also appears to have studied up on Book II, Part XIII: Stir Her Jealousy (and probably Book III, Part XIV, also on the topic of using jealousy and fear to one’s advantage). She “gets drunk on jealousy” and has mastered the critical techniques of “screaming, crying,” and being the  “perfect storm”. To us, she seems pathologically insane, but to Ovid, Swift’s character has mastered his curriculum of courtship.

This brings us to the million-dollar question: if we have supposedly evolved so far beyond the more cringe-worthy moments within the Ars Amatoria, why are the main characters of so many of our popular songs still creeps? 

Because “Blank Space” is neither the only nor the worst example of a lyrical predator. Let’s consider a sample from Robin Thicke’s notorious “Blurred Lines”:

“I know you want it

I know you want it

I know you want it

The way you grab me

Must wanna get nasty”

This song came out in 2013. Let that sink in for a bit! 

Even much-beloved boy band One Direction isn’t wholly innocent here. In their smash hit “What Makes You Beautiful”, the male protagonist intently watches his love interest while she “smiles at the ground” and “turns away when [he] looks into [her] eyes”. If only she would let him explain why he “wants [her] so desperately”, even though she’s clearly uncomfortable with his attention! 

Although it’s tempting to believe that we’ve outgrown Ovid’s concept of love as a predatory action, where “the hunter knows where to spread nets for the stag” (I, ii), it’s clear that we haven’t. All three of these songs play on the dynamic of hunter and hunted, the watcher and the watched, the predator and the unsuspecting prey—and all three were immensely popular at the time of their release (Both “Blank Space” and “Blurred Lines” spent several weeks atop the Billboard Hot 100). 

Why is “love as hunt/challenge/game” still so appealing to us? I’m pretty sure most people would say that being “hunted” is not something they desire. And yet we play these songs and countless others on repeat. Perhaps there is something fun, exciting, or erotic in thinking about love in this way that we know is decidedly not fun and not okay in practice. Perhaps it’s simply that we have a deep-rooted cultural problem with thinking that people are something to be caught. 

Or perhaps we wouldn’t like those songs so much if they weren’t so damn catchy, right?! 

I don’t have a good answer for why we’re suckers for song sociopaths, but let’s at least try to keep them firmly corralled in the fictional realm. Remember: “Hungry Like the Wolf” is best as a karaoke song, not as a dating manual.

Love Guides—Then and Now

If you were to google “best books on modern dating” today, the first book to pop up would be Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance, which purports to be a research-driven investigation into what dating is in the 21^st century. In particular, Ansari focuses on how technology and the multiplicity of options it provides has changed the way people approach finding love, as well as how they define love itself. While the emphasis on technology is certainly modern, the idea of writing a guidebook to dating long predates the printing press. One of the earliest books of this genre is the Ars Amatoria, written by the Roman poet Ovid in 2 CE. Ovid’s goal was to instruct upper-class men on how to develop their skills in the “art of love,” or, in other words, how to get women to like and sleep with them (Ovid 123). It is unclear the extent to which this advice was meant satirically, because although Ovid partially attributed his exile from Rome to the Ars Amatoria’s popularization, it seems unlikely that the Roman aristocracy took it as a joke.

Despite the fact that these two authors were writing more than two millennia and thousands of miles apart, they share some surprising similarities. In writing about the process of finding love, both men situate themselves as experts on the subject, though in different ways. Ovid boldly claims in his opening chapter that “love’s ruled by art,” suggesting that not only can love be taught, but that he is the teacher best suited for the job (Ovid 123). Ansari claims authority by co-authoring his book with NYU sociologist Eric Klineberg, whose authorial presence and academic credentials also implies that love is something studyable and teachable. While both men take on the role of educator-narrator for the sake of their respective publications, both come from backgrounds in entertainment—Ovid was a poet, and Ansari is an actor/comedian. These careers put both men in the public spotlight, so perhaps it is unsurprising that each of them faced a public reckoning directly or indirectly related to their love guides. Ovid implied that his exile from Rome was due to an offensive poem, which many scholars have taken to mean the Ars Amatoria, while Ansari was accused of sexual misconduct by a former romantic partner in 2018 and has spent the last couple of years dealing with the aftermath.

The similarities between these two men and their literary careers are counterbalanced by many differences, but in my view the most significant of these is their imagined audience. As previously mentioned, Ovid was writing to men of his same social class, and although it is possible that some educated women got their hands on his book, his readers were probably men like him. Thus, Ovid could be dismissive of female experiences and desires without offending his intended audience. Ansari, on the other hand, has a much more diverse and expansive audience. As a brown man in America, he isn’t writing from a position of supreme social power, and in order to be relatable he has to keep in mind that people unlike himself will read the book—including women, other minority groups, and members of the LGBTQ+ community. He handles this daunting task by not centering his romantic experience as the paradigm of romantic bliss, and by being upfront about his struggles with modern dating and the many decisions it entails. In short, Ansari is writing in a world where either half of a romantic partnership might peruse his book for advice, while Ovid was writing during a time when only men would have been considered the appropriate audience for a dating guide. 

The comparison between these two men indicate that there is some through line between the Ars Amatoria and Modern Romance, even if it is only that love guides are often written by men with dubious credentials. If this lack of proper credentials continues to be a trend in western society, here’s to hoping there will be a little more gender diversity in who does the writing in the future.    

Works Cited

 

Ansari, Aziz. “Aziz Ansari: Love, Online Dating, Modern Romance and the Internet.” Time, Time, time.com/aziz-ansari-modern-romance/. 

Ovid. Ars Amatoria. Translated by A. S. Kline, Poetry in Translation, 2001. https://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/Latin/ArtofLoveBkI.php. 

Harmful Promiscuity Then and Now: Have the Dangers of “Hookup Culture” Changed Since the Era of Ovid?

Love today is elusive, given the frequency and normalization of casual, meaningless sex, and men’s inability to control their sexual desire in these contexts. I believe this is a result of men, in particular, that struggle to find a consistent loving partner, and thus yearn for another sexual outlet. This behavior, known popularly as “hookup culture”, inevitably holds the possibility of sexual violence, given the lack of care for one another and the drive to quickly satisfy personal needs, then withdraw. The violence is often male-driven because of frustration from rejection, or they desire to experience control to preserve a sense of masculinity. In Ovid’s Ars Amatoria, Ovid teaches men to move on from romantic rejection with a series of steps and stories -- some hauntingly reflected in today’s sexual atmosphere. Ovid laments unrequited love, which ultimately leads him to want to control it through violent, promiscuous, and misogynistic behavior.

Casual sex exists so that individuals can immediately and spontaneously satisfy their desires without developing a relationship beforehand. Ovid takes advantage of this to lure any girl he finds attractive: “Straightaway, since she pleased me, I sent her a proposition” (49). This impulsive behavior is explained by Ovid as an inability control his arousal, an attitude that drives sexual harassment and assault. He pleads he is a victim to lust: “I lack all power and authority to control myself: carried away like a boat, swept swiftly through the water” (52).

Ovid is easily frustrated by a woman’s hesitancy to cheat on her partner or sexually engage with him: “Bagoas, how anxious your mistress is at being watched!” (49). By failing to respect a woman’s commitment to another, Ovid implies that the woman is essentially a commodity available to all, incapable of selecting her own relationships or possessing any jurisdiction over her sexuality. When another man is chosen, Ovid’s grasp on his precious masculinity is lessened. Rejection is a direct blow to a man’s sense of power over women, which can incite a desire to gain it back: no matter if it is violently forced. If affection is not reciprocated, Ovid still wishes to control her: “Even she who castigates me and my poems – I long to endure her critical thighs” (52), as it is a challenge that will strengthen his ego all the more if he succeeds.

In the elegy Cypassis! Ovid gaslights and threatens Cypassis - the servant of his partner, Corinna- whom he has a secret affair with. When Corinna envies Cypassis, Ovid gaslights Cypassis in claiming he is a hero for defending her: “it was my great presence of mind, to swear faithfulness [to Corinna] by the vast power of Venus!” (59). Wielding his position of power over Cypassis, he continues, “For my service to you repay me…sleep with me today! / Why, ungrateful girl do you refuse, and find new fears? … / If you say no, foolish girl, I’ll say what we’ve done before ... I’ll tell your mistress how many times, and in what ways!” (59). This blatant aggression, self-aggrandizement, manipulation, and sexual coercion has unfortunately not been left in the past. Men in power - think Harvey Weinstein, Russell Simmons - believe they can get away with using their privilege to coerce vulnerable women, such as young girls or their employees, and often present a reward or an ultimatum to prevent refusal.

Ovid relays a male-centric narrative that could be written in the modern day: follow the rules of "hookup culture" to avoid love's painful clutches, and reestablish masculine power. His inside look into the young male mind could never be published today by any man that wishes to maintain his reputation. As one of the first authors to encourage misogynistic behavior, he contributed to the harmful culture we still see today. Unfortunately, attitudes and behaviors surrounding sex have changed surprisingly little for men since 43 BC. Luckily, however, we are beginning to see progress in recognizing female survivors and holding men accountable. Movements such as #MeToo have served to encourage women to speak up about their abuse in order to protect them from future events. Ovid deserved to be held properly accountable for his actions, and we hope that others like him today will be.

How to Catch a Woman: Ancient Rome vs Math 55a

Have you ever wondered why your bed is cold at night, awaiting the arrival of that special someone? Do you ever wake up thinking about that dark abyss in your life that can only be filled with the warmth of a significant other? Well, just as Ovid helped lonely young men procure some women back in Ancient Rome, his methods can still help you learn how to procure a woman in the modern college scene.

Love is an art. An art that our “tutor of Love,” Ovid, can teach us how to master. Ovid presents the idea that love is rational, it has rules, and it needs a manual (which is of course written by him). To attain love, one’s technique must be perfected, which is of course the purpose for his Ars Amatoria. If love was irrational, there would be no need for a manual, but Ovid knew, as we do now, that to find love, one must be consistent in their pursuits until they reach their goal. As Ovid describes the procedures necessary to be a lover (i.e. how to bed a woman) in Ancient Rome, his advice provides an uncanny resemblance to dating advice in modern times.

The first step in being a lover is finding someone to love. This was true in Ancient Rome and still is today, because what is love without the object of one’s affection? Ovid compares the task of finding a girl to the hunt of a predator. “The hunter knows well the best place to put his nets for deer” (45), and thus the hopeful lover must “figure out first which spot is thick with girls” (50). Just as Rome was filled with pretty girls, so too is a college campus, but one must find the best spot to make a move. The best women in Rome rushed to the crowded shows, like the circus, and likewise, the best and smartest women in college will be found in Math 55a. Ovid gives very clear instructions on this topic, detailing exactly how to find and catch the perfect woman:

1. Find a seat next to the girl of your choice.

2. Make sure she is in a crowded area so that you are obligated to sit so close that you are touching.

3. Make friendly banter.

1. Start with generalities.

4. Applaud for the horse she applauds for.

5. Applaud for Lady Venus.

6. Brush (non-existent) speck off her bosom.

7. Pick up her skirts to be a gentleman. 

1. If one does this correctly then she may let you take a look at her calves as payment.

 

These seven steps are destined to ensure that you get the woman that you have your sight set on. But this is no longer Ovid’s time, so what are the steps necessary to pick up a woman in Math 55a?

1. Find a seat next to the girl of your choice.

2. If you would like physical contact, one could possibly scoot their chair a little closer to the object of your affection, or simply “manspread”.

3. Friendly banter 

4. Agree to whatever she says 

1. Just as you would applaud for the horse she applauds for, you want to make it seem like you have something in common.

5. Make it clear that you are “single and ready to mingle” 

1. Be obvious that you are looking for love! You must ensure that your lady knows that you are on the market.

2. Perhaps add “single” to your insta bio, or open up tinder next to her

6. Be a gentleman 

1. Open a door for her! Push out her chair! Make her feel special!

1. This is where the modern method diverges from Ovid’s bosom-brushing.  That may be a bit too forward.  People are less physical now, especially because of COVID, so that would not be received in the intended fashion.

7. Get her number 

1. Once you get the number, you have achieved success, under the conditions that the number is in fact real, and not a fake number to scare you off (which would thus require further hunting).

2. Again, we differ from Ovid here because the ladies nowadays don’t wear long skirts, and would probably not welcome the sight of a man eyeing her calves.  However, the result is the same: you have found a willing participant.

 

The last two, and ultimately more difficult, steps are catching said woman and making sure the love lasts a good long time, but this is a subject for a different day. The goal here is to find and woo a potential woman, utilizing methods from Ancient Rome in the modern college environment.

One of the main questions that this brings to light is: what is the purpose of being a lover? Does one do it for the chase, as Ovid proposed? Does one do it for the end goal of sex? Or is the modern-day ideal of love something more than just sensual pleasures? Have we begun to yearn for something more than just relief from our lusts, but instead begun to idealize companionship and finding a true partner? 

Even though Tinder, a popular dating app, started as a “hookup app” that promoted short-term relationships that were mostly sexual in nature, now 80% of Tinder users report that they are looking for a long-term relationship. What has caused this change? Are people more lonely in the digital age? Well, yes. Over 79% of GenZ report feeling lonely. This may contribute to why people are more likely to look for long-term romantic partners, and less for a woman to bed. 

 

In addition, people may look for long-term relationships from dating apps because we have idealized marrying for love, ingrained in us through countless mediums: Rom-coms, romance novels, and social media. This idealized version of love seems more and more desirable for a generation of lonely people, and thus we may be looking for true love in a partner, other than just hunting for an acceptable suitor, as Ovid did. Finally, people wish to marry for love and not for social status like in Ovid’s time. This has led to a vast increase in the desire for a true life-partner and not just a person to hookup with.

Although Ovid’s approach in Ancient Rome was similar to the modern day gent’s, it is important to note that he goes a step too far when he gives a how-to-rape manual during the section labeled “More Helpful Hints: Perjury, Tears and Rape”. This is where modern day ideology and Ancient Roman thought absolutely differ, largely because of the power dynamics between men and women at the time.

 

At the end of the day, however, Ovid’s Ars Amatoria gives a guideline on how to find, capture, and keep one’s object of affection. He describes love as hell, an adversary, and ultimately a chase. For these reasons, he creates a how-to manual on how to be a lover, which, in the modern day, may be seen as simply a guide on how to be a sexual predator, but that’s beside the point. Ovid’s perspectives on love in Ancient Rome are shockingly similar to how men find and flirt with a woman in modern times, and it goes to show the universality of love.

Works Cited:

Beilock, S. L. (2020, July 27). "Why Young Americans are Lonely." Scientific American. Retrieved September 20, 2021, from https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-young-americans-are-lonely/

Emery, L. R. (2015, November 6). "Tinder CEO Sean Rad says 80 percent of users are looking for a long-term relationship - not casual sex." Bustle. Retrieved September 20, 2021, from https://www.bustle.com/articles/121794-tinder-ceo-sean-rad-says-80-percent-of-users-are-looking-for-a-long-term-relationship

 

Ovid. Ars Amatoria. Trans. Julia Dyson Hejduk. Madison: The University of Wisconsin Press, 2014.

Back and Better than Ever!!

Great news: Love, Medieval Style is back for another season! Join me and our new editorial team for four exciting issues, offering sizzling takes on sex, love, and marriage in the ancient and medieval world. Stay tuned for issue 2021.1, Illiberal Arts: Ovid Then and Now, appearing this Tuesday!