Christine de Pizan Tweets The Book of the City of Ladies

An Elizabethan Exchange Reimagined

In 1567 Mary Stuart was forced to abdicate the Scottish throne, and flee to England for the safety she hoped to get from her cousin Queen Elizabeth I. Fearing Mary’s influence and power, Elizabeth imprisoned her the moment she reached England, but as Mary had not been convicted of any crimes, Elizabeth feared retaliation if she executed the Scottish Queen. Throughout her 19 years of imprisonment, Mary wrote regularly to Elizabeth, often pleading for her freedom and playing with her cousin’s emotions. In the 16th century letter would have been the only form of social media available.

Mary often asked if she could “prove her affection to [Elizabeth],” begging to meet with her face to face, and signing her letters as “your very affectionate distressed sister and cousin”. Elizabeth took quite a different tone, always addressing her letters to Mary as a simple “Madam” and often writing back with frustration and reprimands. She wrote as little as possible and mostly ignored her cousin’s pleas of innocence and requests for better living conditions. One letter, in 1572, clearly highlighted her frustration, berating Mary for her “increase of impatience, tending also to uncomely, passionate, ireful and vindictive speeches” and in the same breath Elizabeth seems to laud herself for her own “patient and advised words”.

In 1585 evidence came to light that Mary was allegedly involved in a conspiracy to take the English throne. When this was brought to Elizabeth’s attention, she wrote Mary one final time, charging her with treason, saying “you have in various ways and manners attempted to take my life and to bring my kingdom to destruction by bloodshed.” Although Elizabeth was clearly angry with her cousin, it must have been a relief to finally have evidence that would eliminate the last major threat to her throne.

After 19 years of ignoring her cousins letters begging for release and proclaiming her innocence, Elizabeth grabbed the first piece of evidence that she considered credible enough to convict Mary of a crime, and finally had her executed.

Since we now live in a world permeated with social media, I thought it would be fun to imagine what these exchanges might have looked like if Mary and Elizabeth had Twitter accounts at their disposal.

                                             

@therealqueen: Mary Stuart  
@QueenofEngland: Elizabeth Tudor

@therealqueen 

U have to believe me Liz, I support u 100% !!!  I wld never betray you! U r my best friend and sister 

@QueenofEngland

Ok STOP writing me. I kno ur a traitor. U would take the throne from me in a min if u could

@therealqueen 

Can u at least get me a better room? This place is gross. I NEED a TV. I get soo bored in here all day. It's been like 15 yrs!!! 

@QueenofEngland 

Srsly, stop complaining. Ur head should be on a frickin pike. I've been nice enough to keep u alive. Ungrateful bitch 

@therealqueen 

Did u just call me a bitch?? at least i'm not so ugly that no man will ever want me. I had a husband. & alot of ppl think ur actually a dude 

@QueenofEngland 

HA. Just found some actual evidence to prove you want to take my throne. Ur SO dead 

@therealqueen 

PLS PLS save me Liz. I made a mistake. I didn't mean ANY of it. Please don't kill me. I <3 U! Ur like my best friend 

@QueenofEngland 

Being pretty doesn't feel so good when ur head is about to be detached from ur body does it? Later traitor!!! 

Elizabeth I's reply to Parliament- saved as draft

The Book of The City of Ladies- Now on Facebook

Queens on Twitter

Elizabeth I: Stop telling me to get married. I don't need a man to be successful. #Patriarchy #ShutUp

Elizabeth I: Guys, enough with the lame sonnets. #sorryimnotsorry

Judith: @AssyrianArmy I'm just over here using the severed head of your general as an arm rest, no big deal #Badass #IDontCare

Theodora: To all my haters, I know you’re just afraid of my power. #HatersGonnaHate

Theodora: Call me Jezebel all you want, I’m actually trying to help women who were forced into prostitution. #DealWithIt

Jezebel: @Theodora: I wore some makeup and stuff, and now my name is synonymous with prostitution? What’s up with that? #GetYourFactsStraight

Theodora: @Jezebel I didn’t mean you specifically, but your name has come to mean something kind of negative. Sorry.

Mathilda: When I was 14 I was abducted from a monastery against my will and married to some guy. #YesAllWomen

Balthild: @Mathilda Yes, when I was younger I had to hide under a bunch of rags from some creep named Erchinoald who wanted to marry me.

Judith: @Mathilda This has been a problem for centuries. Holofernes tries to rape me (it didn’t turn out well for him). #YesAllWomen

Balthild: Made some more donations to the monasteries today! #Piety #IAmAGoodQueen #Praise

Radegund: To all my fellow queens posting about their pious acts on twitter, humblebragging is still bragging. It’s not humble. #HolierThanThou #SaintStatus

Balthild: @Radegund Those itchy clothes sure are putting you a bad mood, huh? 

Semiramis: @Christine de Pizan I was told you included me in your City of Ladies! What inspired you to write it?

Christine de Pizan: @Semiramis Some asshole named @Matholeus wrote this terrible book that made me feel bad about myself as a woman, so with the help of @Reason, @Rectitude and @Justice I decided to list all the awesome women in history.

Fredegund: Rest in peace, Galswintha. On an unrelated note, I’m looking forward to moving back into the palace tomorrow! #MovingOnUp

Guinevere: So it’s a big deal if I commit adultery, but not if kings have affairs? #DoubleStandards

Guinevere: And for the last time, I did not hook up with Kay. #StopBeingSoNosy #NotYourBusiness

Lancelot: @Guinivere: I’m about to get into a brawl with a guy at this bar. Do I win or lose?

Brunhilda: Thinking of baby names… I’m leaning towards Ingund, Chlodosind and Childebert. Cute, right? #JustMarried #Blessed

Emma: @Mary You’re my biggest inspiration! I want to be just like you.

Mary: @Emma I’m delighted to hear it. #ImitationIsTheSincerestFormOfFlattery

Constance: My son is the future Emperor, and yes, he really is mine. #PropheciesDontLie #ComeOnPeopleIDontLookTHATOld

Lady Macbeth: Sometimes you have to do things you might regret for the sake of ambition. #JustBeingHonest #QueenshipAintEasy

An Argument between the brothers: Empress Mathilda Live Tweets

The following is a series of live tweets from Empress Mathilda on the day Prince Otto was to be crowned as king in 936, alluding to conflict between Otto and Henry over who deserved to take the throne ...

A Twitter War between Matilda of England and Mathilda, Stephen of Blois’ Wife

Background: Matilda of England was the rightful heir to the English throne. When her father died suddenly, Matilda was out of the country. Her cousin, Stephen, took the opportunity of Matilda’s absence to seize the crown. What ensued was several years of civil war between the cousins and their supporters. In this piece, I use Twitter to explore what could have happened between Matilda of England and Stephen’s wife, Mathilda of Blois.

Twitter Bios:

Matilda of England

@TheREALQueenofEngland

Holy Roman Empress. Rightful heir 2 English throne. I will b queen.

Mathilda of Blois

@TheQueenBitch

Queen of England. Don’t mess. U know who I’m talking 2.

Twitter War:

Matilda of England

@TheREALQueenofEngland

Don’t u hate it when wives stand up 4 their husbands even when they’re wrong?

Mathilda of Blois

@TheQueenBitch

Don’t u hate it when hags act like queens?

Matilda

@TheREALQueenofEngland

@TheQueenBitch U want to say something to my face?

Mathilda of Blois

@TheQueenBitch

@TheREALQueenofEngland Yeah. Ur ship has sailed. Get on it and get out of England!

Matilda

@TheREALQueenofEngland

@TheQueenBitch. I’m right where I need 2 b. It’s ur husband that’s at fault!

Mathilda of Blois

@TheQueenBitch

@TheREALQueenofEngland He’s doing what’s right for the people of England.

Matilda

@TheREALQueenofEngland

@TheQueenBitch Wow. Does he hide behind your skirts?

Mathilda of Blois

@TheQueenBitch

@TheREALQueenofEngland Does your’s hide behind your daddy’s castles?

Matilda

@TheREALQueenofEngland

@TheQueenBitch You bitch!

Mathilda of Blois

@TheQueenBitch

@TheREALQueenofEngland Yes?

Matilda

@TheREALQueenofEngland

@TheQueenBitch U might b a bitch here, but let’s c how bad u r in person.

Mathilda of Blois

@TheQueenBitch

@TheREALQueenofEngland Name the time and place.

Matilda

@TheREALQueenofEngland

@TheQueenBitch Tomorrow at noon. Robert of Gloucester’s manor. Just us.

Mathilda of Blois

@TheQueenBitch

@TheREALQueenofEngland I actually have 2 help my husband rule a country tomorrow. Sorry.

Matilda

@TheREALQueenofEngland

@TheQueenBitch Chicken.

Mathilda of Blois

@TheQueenBitch

@TheREALQueenofEngland No. I’m queen. What r u? Oh, that’s right. Nothing.

Macbeth: A Facebook Tale

                                  Macbeth: A Facebook Tale

3_Witches updated their status: Toiling & Trubbling. Waiting for Macbeth.

The groups Ireland and Norway are no longer online.

3_Witches posted a note on Macbeth’s wall: Hey, Macbeth, this prophecy says that you’re going to be thane of Cawdor and then King of Scotland.

Banquo responded to 3_Witches’ note: WTF?

King Duncan gave Macbeth a promotion.

Macbeth posted on the group Scotland: Promotion! w00t!

Banquo replied to Macbeth’s post: Awesome job, Mac! o/\o

Macbeth posted a note on 3_Witches’ wall: Hey, guys, guess what? Duncan made me thane of Cawdor, just like you said! Thnx! \o/

Lady Macbeth posted a note on Macbeth’s wall: IIRC, they also said you should be king.

Macbeth replied to Lady Macbeth’s note: …but Duncan’s king. :/

Lady Macbeth replied to Macbeth’s note: X-actly. ;) Just stab him.

Macbeth is angsting in his chamber about stabbing the king.

Lady Macbeth poked Macbeth.

Lady Macbeth posted a note on Macbeth’s wall: God, you’re such a drama king. GTFO there and don’t make me do it myself. |-O

Macbeth replied to Lady Macbeth’s note: …yes, my Queen.

Macbeth gave Duncan a dagger.

Duncan is no longer online.

Lady Macbeth posted on Macbeth’s wall: Good boy. :)

Malcolm and Donalbain left the group Scotland.

Scotland gave Macbeth the crown.

Macbeth updated his status: KING OF SCOTLAND, BABY!

Macbeth liked How to Secure Your Rule in 10 Easy Steps.

Lady Macbeth liked Medieval Scottish Poisoners, LLC.

Banquo poked Macbeth.

Banquo posted a note on Macbeth’s wall: U no what makes me LOL? Those creepy witches said you’d be king a few messages ago. LOL, rite?

Macbeth created a new group: Committee to Suppress Threats to the Crown

Murderers joined the CSTC.

Macbeth posted to the CSTC’s wall: All rite, who wants to shut Banquo’s big mouth?

Macbeth posted an event: I’m having a feast at my castle. Everyone welcome - especially you, Banquo. Bring the kids.

Murderers posted on Banquo’s wall: STFU!!!!

Banquo replied to Murderers’ post: I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so-

Banquo is no longer online.

Fleance left the group Scotland.

Banquos_Ghost posted on Macbeth’s wall: I’m back, dude. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

Macbeth posted on Scotland’s wall: WTF BANQUO? WHAT ARE U DOIN HERE! GTFO! GTFO!!1! DX

Banquos_Ghost poked Macbeth.

Macbeth updated his status: GTFO BANQUO!!! RITE NOW!!!

Nobles posted on Macbeth’s wall: WTF is wrong with you? Nobody posted. :/

Lady Macbeth replied to Nobles’ post: He’s OK. He just got a little drunk while posting. LOL.

Macbeth blocked the Nobles from posting.

Macbeth posted to 3_Witches’ wall: Okay, WTH do I do? Things here are getting totally F-ing weird. O-o

3_Witches replied to Macbeth’s post: You won’t be conquered until Dunsinane Wood attacks your castle. No man born of a woman can defeat you. Oh, and you know Macduff? He’s bad news.

Macbeth posted to CSTC: Hey, you 2 no Macduff? Kill his kids and steal his stuff.

Murderers: Got it, Big Mac. ;)

Macduff’s Sons posted on Lady Macduff’s Wall: OMG, Mom! They’re killing us! DX

Maduff’s Sons are no longer online.

Lady Macduff is no longer online.

Macduff posted to Macbeth’s wall:  All right, that’s it. TTFN. D:< See you at Dunsinane.

Macduff, Malcolm, Nobles, and Donalbain joined the group Macbeth is an A-Hole! Who Agrees?

Hecate joined The Guild For Forgotten Minor Characters.

The English joined Macbeth is an A-Hole!.

Banquos_Ghost poked Macbeth.

Banquos_Ghost sent Macbeth pictures of his descendants.

Macbeth updated his status: BANQUO. STAWP. DX

Lady Macbeth updated her status: OMG, I HAVE BLOOD ON MY HANDS! GET IT OFF! WHY WONT IT COME OFF!!!1!  

Lady Macbeth is no longer online.

Macbeth updated his status: :,(

Macbeth posted on 3_Witches’ wall: Good thing im invincible, rite?

Dunisane Forest gave the group Macbeth Is An A-Hole! Branches.

Macduff poked Macbeth.

Macbeth updated his status: …aw crud. DX

Macbeth posted on Macbeth is an A-Hole!’s wall: ROTFL, u all suck, no man by woman born, remember? :P

Macduff replied to Macbeth’s post: AAMOF, I was born by C-section.

Macbeth updated his status to: :O OH SHI-

Macbeth is no longer online.

Macduff is just glad that his family is avenged.

Scotland gave Malcolm the crown.

Malcolm posted an event: Hey, come see my awesome coronation at Scone, everybody! Free haggis! :D

Status of My Big Fat Scone Coronation: 121 invited, 104 going.