A Game of Courtship in King Arthur's Court (or, Medieval Tinder)

It happened once that a merchant came to the court of King Arthur, and that merchant was of lands fabled and distant. When asked from whence he came he replied, “Callifournya,” and many clamoured to hear more for none had heard of such a place. He had travelled many years in search of the king’s court, and so did Arthur welcome him well and bestow upon him many gifts of incomparable quality: a cloak of the richest wool lined with ermine, rare jewels so clear and bright that light might have passed through such as through a window, and the finest steed of Arthur’s stable to speed his journey. Such was the generosity of King Arthur and his court.

The night went on with much feasting and hearty drinking, and at the king’s bidding the merchant was pressed to tell a tale of his journey, for surely he had many to tell. The merchant agreed, and said: “Often when I was a boy I heard stories told of a certain custom, and ere my 18th sun I did not think it truth. Yet it is truth indeed, and so I tell it.

"In many towns of Callifournya, many a fine lady will seek a husband through a ritual unknown in the land of Arthur. She will have many portraits painted, and with great care select the four or five which best show her complexion, and, taking care to hide any unbecoming features, she will have the portraits put up in the great hall of her palace. And her ladies-in-waiting will together write a few words, which together may describe the whole of her self. And the description will advise any suitors – for indeed, such a lady will often receive many suitors – of her parentage, her fine qualities, and what she seeks of them.

“On a fine and cloudless night, she will invite the fine ladies and gentlemen of the court to her great hall, or else she will visit theirs, and they too will have prepared portraits, and small letters of commendation, to be shown in the hall, and each may write a short letter to their favoured suitor, and set it beside that lady or lordship’s portrait. Thus may each know whose favour he has gained, and whose favour he may be encouraged to seek. A short correspondence may then be engaged before the proposal of union.”

At this there was great uproar and astonishment at such a curious tradition, and the young knights Sir Gawain and Sir Yvain proposed that, in the spirit of welcoming for which Arthur’s court is famed throughout all lands far East and West, the ladies and lords of the court might select a portrait and write a commendation, and in a matter of hours the court of Camelot might be transformed into a court of Callifournya, and so would the night be passed in revelry. Arthur gave his approval, and so it was."

- A Night In The Court of King Arthur

By an anonymous servant, to record for posterity the great revelry and joy of that night.

Four such Portraits as Seen in the Great Hall of King Arthur

Name: Yvain

Age: 27

Occupation: Knight in the Court of King Arthur

Bio: Son of King Urien. The most noble, the most worthy, and the most handsome lord ever descended from Abel’s line. Lion & I are a package deal.

“So did the son of King Urien write, and as he was recognizable among all as a taper among candles, as the moon among the stars, as the sun in comparison with the moon, so did many ask his hand. That night I recall he was often occupied with many a maiden in the joyous company of his friend Sir Gawain son of King Lot.”

Name: Avtandil

Age: 31

Occupation: Commander-In-Chief of the Arabian Armies

Bio: Bright sun and lion of Arabia. Not interested, just looking for someone. Swipe ONLY if your name is Tariel, for no one can afford me more joy than the joy of gazing upon him. (Or Tinatin.)

“This Prince of Arabia, who shone like a crystal in the tender embrace of his brother the sun, was often admired by the maidens and knights of Arthur’s court. Yet he paid no heed to them and seemed constantly in the throes of tears. This night was much the same as the previous.”

Name: Alyson

Age: 37

Occupation: Pilgrim

Bio: Wanna be my sixth husband? If thy legges and feet be clene and faire, you might just be the one.

“Of the pilgrims to King Arthur’s court it has been said that they are a rowdy and lewdly mannered bunch. None moreso than this woman of Bath, upon whose departure the court shall have four fewer gentlemen and double the quiet.”

Name: Lunete

Age: 21

Occupation: Lady in the Court of Laudine

Bio: Attractive and of dark-brown hair. A wise, intelligent, and shrewd young lady. Swipe only if you consider yourself a knight exceeding Gawain.

“This sage counselor to the Lady Laudine was never so becoming as on this night of festivities, and received many a remark from the goodly knights of King Arthur. The jests were widely appreciated and only once was Sir Gawain bodily restrained in the course of the evening.”

An Example of such Correspondence as was had in the Court that Night

Sir YVAIN has MATCHED with LUNETE

YVAIN

*A rap at the door*

LUNETE

Hark! Who goes there?

YVAIN

Lady, it is I, Gawain.

LUNETE

A fine name indeed but I know not thy family.

Gawain whom, pray tell?

YVAIN

Gawain and show me thy bosoms

LUNETE has UNMATCHED with Sir YVAIN

And another:

Sir YVAIN has MATCHED with ALYSON

YVAIN

To tell you the truth, I am an ambassador sent to thee from the court of Love to entrust to Your Prudence the solution of a certain doubt: In which woman does a good character deserve more praise – in a woman of noble blood, or in one who is known to have no nobility of family?

ALYSON

Cease the blathering and tell me how are thy legs

YVAIN

Well-turned, my lady.

ALYSON

This I note in thy portrait

Good fortune were we to encounter each other at the orchard in an hour's time xx

Dynamic Desire Through Time (Or Perhaps Not)

    It’s easy to assume that the mind of a modern person is vastly different from that of a person living in medieval times. Society and technology have progressed so far that it wouldn’t be fair to assume that values held and honored 1000 years ago have persisted through the generations. Yet, it’s not entirely clear whether the mind, specifically its desires, has changed. In order to examine whether or not change has occurred, a baseline of the standards of love in a medieval relationship must be established, specifically heterosexual relationships, due to the boundaries set by available texts. To do so, one can take into account Yvain (The Knight of the Lion) and The Knight in the Panther Skin.
    While the two stories vary based on their respective cultures, specific plot points, and regions, they do have some similar features, most notably the focus on heroics. In Yvain, Yvain is rewarded for his heroics with the opportunity to marry Laudine, who he instantly fell in love with after slaying her husband. When he loses Laudine as a result of losing himself in the excitement of heroics, he is able to win her back by (shockingly!) performing more heroics. 
    In a similar fashion, The Knight in the Panther Skin navigates love through the lens of brave deeds. Through these texts it becomes clear that at the time, love was synonymous with  performing brave deeds. Love was to be granted to a knight in shining armor, and that is what men wanted to be for women.
    However easy it may be to say that this is no longer the case, that may not be entirely true. One way to measure what exactly modern standards are is to look at modern mass media. The knight in shining armor trope, while not as explicit as it was in Yvain or The Knight in the Panther Skin, still exists and flourishes in modern media, just in a slightly altered form.
    Action films and television shows often end up placing their female romantic interests in positions of distress, so that the leading man can swoop in and save the day, ultimately being rewarded with the romantic interest’s affection. It’s a trope found over and over, from Indiana Jones, the infamous “Bond Girls”, or even the Super Mario series, which, like Bond, has played off of the concept of the damsel in distress for decades.
    Each of these stories follow the knight in shining armor trope, similar to that of Yvain and The Knight in the Panther’s Skin. This is no coincidence when considering the fact that these stores are targeted towards a primarily male audience. Marketing and writing are strategic; these tropes are not simply thrown in. Instead, the stories are written around or include these tropes because writers and studios know that it’s what their audience wants to see. The ideal man that is seen in the writings of the middle ages is still valued today.
    It becomes clear upon looking at these examples that the standards of heterosexual romance have remained largely unchanged in the eyes of men or perhaps, what entertainment perceives the eyes of men to be. What about women? Do they still adhere to the standards established in these centuries-old texts? What do they want in a man? Two modern films in particular, Gone Girl and Jennifer’s Body, both written from a female perspective and produced for a primarily female audience, help address these queries.
    Gone Girl, the 2014 film based on the Gillian Flynn novel, is about the aftermath of Amy Dunne faking her death and framing her husband and the events leading up to it. Jennifer’s Body, a 2009 horror-comedy, follows Jennifer Check, a possessed teenager, as she baits and murders boys in her town.  It also considers the toll her actions have on the relationship she shares with her childhood best friend. Just by reading the synopses, the protagonists of these films seem cold and downright heartless, but with a closer look, their motives become quite clear.
    In Gone Girl, Amy Dunne finds herself stuck in a marriage where she lacks choice. Amy feels as though her identity is reliant on the whims of her husband, Nick. Amy acts like the woman Nick wants her to be, while she fears becoming a wife who dotes on her husband and bends to his will. In Jennifer’s Body, Jennifer, needing to satiate the demon possessing her, chooses to target and feast on teenage boys specifically. This choice springs from her distaste towards these boys reducing her to just her body (as the title cheekily points to). Jennifer spent a great deal of effort ensuring that her outward appearance was desirable and presentable to the boys at school, which is why, in retaliation, she targets those same boys.
    The motives of these two women highlight one specific desire: sovereignty. This desire is the same one highlighted in the Wife of Bath’s Tale, a medieval story told from the perspective of a woman. Although the Wife of Bath’s Tale is written by a man, it is incredibly effective at highlighting the expectation and desire of women in love, something that Yvain and The Knight in the Panther Skin fail to do.
    The idea of sovereignty as a desire is brought up explicitly in her tale, but also in the story of the Wife of Bath’s life (the prologue). In her tale, the moral of the story is that women want choice. The knight is told explicitly by the old woman that sovereignty is what women desire, but it doesn’t come until later in the story that he is able to apply that. After marrying the old woman, he is faced with the choice to have her become beautiful but unfaithful or remain ugly and old but be utterly faithful. Rather than make the decision himself, he tells her it is for her to decide. The next morning, he is rewarded with having his wife transform from ugly to beautiful as a reward for his wise decision. The knight gave his wife sovereignty by allowing her the freedom of choice.
    The life of the Wife of Bath similarly brings to light women’s desire for sovereignty. The Wife of Bath, married five times, praises her first three marriages with older men for the ability for her to have control in the marriage, as her husbands were docile because of their older age. Those marriages allowed her to make decisions on her own and have authority within the union. The freedom the knight gave his wife is exactly what Amy Dunne and Jennifer Check are working to obtain in their respective films.
    The modern focus on the female desire for sovereignty is not as modern as one may assume, as demonstrated by the Wife of Bath’s Tale. Standards for the ideal man in love and relationships have not changed. On the other hand, there have been more opportunities for women to tell stories about women and their desires, and there are more opportunities for those stories to be told. As was true for love in the Middle Ages, it is true today: men wish to be the knights in shining armor, while women wish for the ability to exercise control.

A Lover Is Not a Real Person

… 

He did not wear his scarlet coat,

  For blood and wine are red,

And blood and wine were on his hands

  When they found him with the dead,

The poor dead woman whom he loved,

  And murdered in her bed.

He walked amongst the Trial Men

  In a suit of shabby grey;

A cricket cap was on his head,

  And his step seemed light and gay;

But I never saw a man who looked

  So wistfully at the day.

I never saw a man who looked

  With such a wistful eye

Upon that little tent of blue

  Which prisoners call the sky,

And at every drifting cloud that went

  With sails of silver by.

I walked, with other souls in pain,

  Within another ring,

And was wondering if the man had done

  A great or little thing,

When a voice behind me whispered low,

  "That fellow's got to swing."

Dear Christ! the very prison walls

  Suddenly seemed to reel,

And the sky above my head became

  Like a casque of scorching steel;

And, though I was a soul in pain,

  My pain I could not feel.

I only knew what hunted thought

  Quickened his step, and why

He looked upon the garish day

  With such a wistful eye;

The man had killed the thing he loved

  And so he had to die.

Yet each man kills the thing he loves

  By each let this be heard,

Some do it with a bitter look,

  Some with a flattering word,

The coward does it with a kiss,

  The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,

  And some when they are old;

Some strangle with the hands of Lust,

  Some with the hands of Gold:

The kindest use a knife, because

  The dead so soon grow cold.

Some love too little, some too long,

  Some sell, and others buy;

Some do the deed with many tears,

  And some without a sigh:

For each man kills the thing he loves,

  Yet each man does not die.

Oscar Wilde, “The Ballad of Reading Gaol”

… 

“For each man kills the thing he loves, yet each man does not die.” 

This is one of Oscar Wilde’s most iconic lines, and for good reason. Whether or not the reader has loved before, this line somehow rings true – we can feel it in our bones that something about this line is inherent to the act of human loving. But that’s a little macabre, right? We’re talking about love, and isn’t love supposed to be beautiful? Happy? And, well, loving? 

Not necessarily.    

One of the most deeply human aspects of loving is knowing full well that it could (and very well might) lead to catastrophe, and choosing to love anyways. We proffer ourselves to disaster and embrace our fate with open arms. How is this normal? Or, more precisely, why is the threat of imminent danger something that is almost universally recognized and accepted about being a lover? 

Within medieval literature, the archetypal lover is many things – sensual, playful, amorous, the list goes on ad infinitum. There is one thing, however, that the lover has never, and will never, be: as a consequence of conforming to the whims of another for the sake of love, the lover will never be authentically themself. Thus, the words of Oscar Wilde ring true even in medieval literature: “each man kills the thing he loves” because, by definition, the lover must suffer a sort of ego-death, a loss of self identity, in order to become the aspirational lover valued so heavily by medieval writers. After all, if the entire point of being a “lover” is to get someone else to love you, what better way to do so than to cater your entire personality to fit their image of an ideal partner? It’s virtually foolproof. Except for that small, pesky problem of rendering yourself fundamentally incapable of retaining personal identity or agency, it’s a great idea.

This idea of the death of self identity when adopting the title of “lover” is even present in literature as old as the Bible. In Genesis, it says that when a man marries his wife, “he shall leave his father and mother... and they shall become one flesh,” (Gen. 2:24). In Matthew, he writes regarding marriage and lovers that, “what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mat. 19:6). Even Mark’s gospel contains a reference to the married lovers being “no longer two, but one flesh” (Mark 10:8). Though these verses are specifically in reference to lovers who have been married, as premarital “loving” (among other, similar things) is categorically outlawed by Christian doctrine, the idea of deindividuation they present continues as a prominent vein throughout the literature of the following centuries. In this case, when the lovers become one being, the death of the self could not be more obvious. It’s not even an ego death. It is literally the theological teaching that, once a lover ties themself to another, they are no longer their own person. They will be forever bound to the desires and whims of another, till death do they part. 

Continuing into actual medieval romance literature, the romance between Chrétien de Troye’s gallant Yvain and noble Laudine exhibits this same loss of identity. When Yvain has to leave his beloved Lodine behind to go on a lengthy quest, he “was so distressed at departing from his beloved that his heart did not leave” because it had “attached itself so strongly to the heart of the lady left behind that he did not have the power to draw it away” (The Knight of the Lion, 288). It’s tragic, really. If to love deeply is to automatically invite this sort of pain into one’s life, why even bother? What’s the point of living without a heart? Can one even live if their heart resides with another? This may be the most primal example of the lover inevitably killing the one they love: by metaphorically stealing their heart. To be a lover, especially in medieval literature, one has to both recognize and accept that, by loving another, they are giving up themself. In the eyes of medieval writers like Chrétien, it is not possible to love truly and to also retain personal identity. According to his logic, if you’re not willing to completely give up your heart (and yourself) for the sake of your partner, is it even true love? Modern readers would say that, yes, of course it’s true love, just done in a healthy, boundary-enforcing way, but that was not the medieval perspective. In fact, that’s precisely the opposite view: to medieval writers, the lover could never be their own person, a real person, because, to their understanding, love was never healthy. Love was often referred to as a sickness to be remedied, a madness to be cured, and so the concept of healthy love was a non-issue. In the same story, Chrétien compares love and its consequences to “a violent whirlwind...in Yvain’s head,” causing him to “[go] mad,” and if that’s not telling about the sorry state of healthy boundaries in medieval love, then I don’t know what is (The Knight of the Lion, 290).  

Finally, in a collection of poems attributed to but not actually written by Ovid, we can see the de-individuation of the lover most clearly. For example, in comparing loving to an art form to be learned, the author of the Pseudo-Ovidian poem “De Amore” (or “On Love”) reinforces the idea that the lover is not a real person by illustrating the “art” of how a lover should forge his falsified identity to ensnare his target. The author writes that a lover “should do what gives her [his desired] pleasure, as the situation itself shows him,” a teaching that strongly reinforces the lover’s shedding of personal identity for the sake of conforming to whatever manufactured persona will most quickly get him in his paramour’s good graces (De Amore, 349). 

Ultimately, the medieval lover is not a real person because they can’t be. Love was thought of as the literal merging of two beings from the very beginning of early Christian thought, and the loss of identity on behalf of the lovers is simply a continuation of that belief. To conclude, I think the closing words of Wilde’s “Ballad of Reading Gaol,” again, say it best:

…

“In Reading gaol by Reading town

  There is a pit of shame,

And in it lies a wretched man

  Eaten by teeth of flame,

In burning winding-sheet he lies,

  And his grave has got no name.

And there, till Christ call forth the dead,

  In silence let him lie:

No need to waste the foolish tear,

  Or heave the windy sigh:

The man had killed the thing he loved,

  And so he had to die.

And all men kill the thing they love,

  By all let this be heard,

Some do it with a bitter look,

  Some with a flattering word,

The coward does it with a kiss,

  The brave man with a sword!

 

Works Cited:

1. The Bible, New King James Version, Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:6, and Mark 10:8

2. Chrétien de Troyes, The Knight of the Lion

3. Psuedo-Ovid, De Amore and De Remedio Amoris

4. Oscar Wilde, “The Ballad of Reading Gaol”

Sir Yvain Goes to the Doctor

“Hi Mr...Yvain, how--”

“It’s Sir Yvain.”

“I’m so sorry...Sir Yvain, how are you? I’m Dr. Austin. Why don’t you tell me a bit about what brings you in today.” 

“O, woe! My suffering is endless! I cannot refrain from weeping and sighing, and I oft feel as though I may swoon at any moment. Why am I cursed so?!”

“I see. And for how long have you been noticing these symptoms?”

“Good sir, I can nary remember a time when I did not feel like the wretch you see before you today. But mayhaps it began around three years ago …”

“Hmm. And can you tell me what was happening in your life three years ago?” 

“Why, ‘twas three years ago that I first encountered the wondrous basin that led me to my fairest one, of course!” 

“I see. And in the past three years have there been any dramatic changes to your lifestyle?” 

“O learned physician, do not ask me to tell you my tale! I fear it will cause me such pain that I may swoon or go mad!”

“Sir Yvain, I understand you may be reliving some painful memories, but it’s absolutely crucial for your diagnosis and treatment that you answer my questions to the best of your ability.”

“You know not what you ask! But I shall try to grant your request since you seem to me of noble bearing and much learned. Very well. I took leave of my dearest one in order to travel with my companion Sir Gawain, the most noble of knights, in search of adventures. My lady bade me return within one year exactly of my departure. If I failed to return to her on said date her tender love for me would vanish forever! I left anyway, assuring her that I would return, suffering muchly as I left my own heart in her keeping. But lo, my adventures proved to be too distracting, for two years passed ere I remembered my promise. And thus my lady hath...rejected me forevermore!”

“Sir, sir, you’re welcome to cry but please stop beating your chest and scratching your face like that!” 

“What?...Wh--? Oh. Good sir, I forgot myself. It often happens when I think too long upon my dearest one. Once I even found myself naked in the wood with no recollection of how I came to be there!” 

“Hmmmmm, that’s concerning. We’ll need to discuss that further. Now, have you been feeling feverish lately?”

“Oh yes, all the time I feel as if I burn with fever. My cheeks smolder and my strength deserts me!”

“Alright. Now can you tell me--”

“My God, Man! Make haste and tell me what ails me! I have a prior engagement at noon and must be on my way very shortly indeed. If my good host’s castle falls to a foul demon knight, on your head be it! Out with it!” 

“Oh ... Okay, yes of course. Sir Yvain, based on your symptoms and what I’ve heard so far I believe you may have one of the most severe cases of lovesickness I’ve ever seen. Your temperature and pulse were both slightly elevated. Now this nonspecific suffering you’ve described as ‘sighing and weeping’ and your strength waning, these are some classic indicators of depression. However, when a patient has undergone a broken love affair or is separated from their significant other, has flushed cheeks, and has a mild fever, this is what we call the Troubadour sign, which is a distinctive sign of lovesickness. (we call it that because we’ve found that being a troubadour puts you at up to a 30% higher risk of contracting the disease.) We’ve also had an interesting case study recently come out of the Kingdom of Georgia in which the patient displayed similar chest-beating and face-scratching. Finally, your rather extreme description of your suffering is a clear characteristic of lovesickness. 

“Now, as for your prognosis. The good thing is that you almost certainly won’t die from this, no matter how much you think you’re going to. I say almost because the episode of lost time you described is deeply concerning. Partial loss of reason is typical in lovesickness (we call this Équitan’s behavior), but what you’ve described seems more like a total psychotic break. Your case is so severe I fear your symptoms may never fully go away unless you reunite with your wife. However, I’m going to write you a prescription for Klonopin to help you cope in the meantime. It’s absolutely crucial that you do not take this medication with alcohol. Can you tell me what pharmacy I should sen–--”

“ENOUGH! You have destroyed my hope forever! For the one thing you say will cure me is the one thing I can never again have! Keep your foolish potions, I take my leave of you, sir!” 

“But sir, we need your insuran–--HOLY SHIT! IS THAT A LION IN MY WAITING ROOM?!”

Inspired and Informed By:

Chrétien de Troyes, The Knight With the Lion, trans. David Staines.

Various Troubadours, trans. A.S. Kline in From Dawn to Dawn: Troubadour Poetry. 

Shota Rostaveli, The Knight in the Panther’s Skin, trans. Venera Urushadze.