Ghosting Isn't Cool

Works Cited:
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/40227/40227-h/40227-h.htm 
http://iphonefaketext.com/ 

Abelard and Heloise: A Text Convo in 3 Acts

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My Friend, Capellanus

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Tumbler-ing troubadours ... Snapchatting sisters ... Poets posting. What happens when medieval love gets the social media treatment? Find out in our next issue, #Amor, due out next week!

The Nun's Dilemma

Lights up. The Abbess is in her office composing a letter at her desk. There is a knock on the door.

Abbess: Come in.

The Abbess continues to write. Maria opens the door and stands in the doorway hesitantly. After a few seconds of silence, the Abbess stops writing and looks up.

Maria: Good day, Mother.

Abbess: Good day, Maria! Please, do come in. How are you this afternoon?  

Maria: I am well, thank you, Mother. I greatly enjoyed today’s morning prayers. On a day this beautiful, it felt only appropriate to sing God’s praises.

Abbess: Yes, He has blessed us with a glorious spring this year.

Maria nods and hesitates.

Abbess: But, my child, you did not come here to discuss the weather, did you?

Maria: No, mother.

Hesistates

I wanted to… to thank you for looking after me all these years and for overseeing the match between my betrothed and myself.

Abbess: Maria, I have raised you these years, so I know by your face that this still cannot be your only reason for coming.

Maria: In truth, Mother, I have a delicate matter to discuss with you. I am not sure if it is right for me to continue onto the path of married life.

Abbess: My child, from whence comes this change of heart?

Maria: Mother, I mean no disrespect. I simply fear that I will not be able to serve God as fully as a married woman as I could should I remain at the Abbey as a nun. As Jerome said in his letter to Marcella, marriage is a distraction from one’s dedication to God (Select Letters of St. Jerome). If I am to live a truly godly life, I ought not get married.

Abbess: Well, it seems you’ve made your decision. Why do you seem so confused?

Maria: But, Mother, the Bible also says to obey my father, and my father bids me to marry this man! How can I follow the Ten Commandments but remain constant in my devotion to God?

Abbess: Ah, yes. Child, you are not alone in this struggle. Many young ladies such as yourself face this dilemma. Have faith. If you so desire, you can find a way to manage both.

Maria: I do not mean to sound ungrateful. To be sure, I have no doubt that the man with whom I was paired is a great match, or else my father would not have chosen him and you would not have allowed him to set foot in the abbey. I am excited – that is not in question - but I am nervous about my ability to reconcile my duties to my husband with my duties to God. How is it possible? My attention now must be split between two lords: my lord and husband and the Lord God. With my attention thusly split, I cannot possibly give to each what is due!

Pauses and collects herself.

Maria: Mother, please do not let my concern imply a lack of gratitude for your efforts and support in arranging a meeting between myself and my husband-to-be. I am very grateful. I only seek your guidance in being a godly Christian and a good wife. If it is possible to be both, I will do so gladly. But, if it proves impossible, I know not which path I should follow!

Abbess: My dear, set your heart at peace. Have you heard tell of Queen Mathilda? Just like you, she was noble-born and spent her youthful years in a monastery (The “Older” Life… 72-74). She too was dedicated to serving the Lord even as a wife and mother (The “Older” Life… 75-76). While she accepted the duties of married life, laying with her husband faithfully and giving birth to many children, she did not relinquish the practices of her religious upbringing (The “Older” Life… 75-76). It is said once her husband fell asleep, she would sneak down to the chapel and sleep, shivering, on the stone floor (The “Older” Life… 75-76). I cannot tell you the answer to how to be a good wife and godly Christian, you must determine this answer for yourself; however, I urge you to consider your main duties as each and find ways to serve both your lords faithfully and fittingly.

Maria: Thank you, Mother. Words cannot express the relief I feel at hearing of Mathilda’s success at performing these two roles simultaneously. I will continue to pray on this and strive to follow Mathilda’s example.

Maria starts to leave, then stops.

Maria: But, Mother, if I find myself struggling to serve God in my new life, may I still write to you and seek your guidance?

Abbess: Always, dear child, always…

Abbess opens her arms, and Maria runs a few steps to hug her.

Works Cited:

Anonymous, The “Older” Life of Mathilda. Trans., Sean Gilsdorf. Washington, D.C.: The Catholic University of America Press. Print.

Select Letters of St. Jerome. Trans., F. A. Wright. Cambridge, Massachusetts.: Harvard University Press. Print.

So You Want to Be a Christian?

Welcome, friends, to another installment of our weekly guide to Christianity. Those of you who joined us last week will remember our guide to acceptable entertainments for those who wish to devote themselves to Christ. This week, we tackle a different sort of diversion: marriage. What makes a Christian marriage? And how can you make sure your marriage is pleasing to Christ? We’re happy to present ten easy steps to maintaining a Christian marriage – stick close to these guidelines and you can’t go wrong.

1. If you are strong enough to live a pure, chaste life without the companionship of another, then do so.

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2. If you, however, find yourself unable to be chaste, you may channel your desires into the institution God has desired for such a purpose: marriage.

3. To contract a marriage, one must acquire the consent of one’s partner. This, above all else, is essential to the formation of a marriage.

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4. If means allow, however, the customary gifts of property and wealth may be exchanged between families. It is also appropriate for the union to be consecrated within a church. A tasteful pair of crowns worn on the heads of the newlyweds is desirable, though not obligatory.

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4 (a) If a man wishes to show his betrothed his cows prior to marriage, this is allowable, provided the cows are indeed literal and not metaphorical.

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5. Christianity allows for one marital partner, in a bond which remains steadfast until the death of one of the spouses.

5 (a) Christianity allows for one marital partner, even if the party seeking a separation is a King, and even if his Queen’s reputation is itself not blameless.

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5 (b)  Should one’s spouse die, the remaining spouse is free to remarry, though it is of course best if they live a chaste life, fully devoted to Christ after being widowed.

5 (c) Don’t kill your spouse in order to obtain freedom to remarry.

6. Sexual relations within a marriage can be turned to a singular purpose in the service of God: the bearing of children, which can be raised in His teachings.

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7. However, some may feel the need to act on physical desires outside of this context. Your spouse is entitled to your desires and affection, and in turn you are entitled to theirs. Do not withhold relations from your partner, as this sort of frustration may cause them to stumble.

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8. By the same token, however, there are times during which physical love should be restrained. Partners should refrain from carnal pursuits on the Sabbath and during Lent.

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9. If you are able to show the restraint commanded above, you may be able to live a still-more chaste life. So long as it does not cause your spouse to stumble, refrain from sexual interaction with one another. Instead, let your partnership’s sole focus be on serving Christ.

10. Remember that marriage is a union accessible to all, which should in its purest state mirror the love of Christ for his church. By maintaining the sanctity of your marriage, you will bring glory to Christ, and help further His kingdom.

And that’s it for this week! Don’t forget to check back in a week for our next column: Feast or Famine, Proper Liturgical Fasting for Beginners

On Your Recent Widowhood

Our Dearest Daughter, Cateline,
    We offer our deepest sympathies at the passing of your husband, Jehan, scarcely a month following the wedding. In all honesty, we did not make the smartest decision with that one. He did seem awfully itchy and nauseous at the event. I had thought it was just the nerves. I never expected he’d be struck down with St. Anthony’s Fire. Regardless, my flower, the question remains on what shall we do with you. You simply cannot be left alone and unwatched. The ways of the woman, especially one as young as you, are those of deceit and carnal lust, and I have no desire to sell my daughter into prostitution nor turn her conjugal home into a whorehouse!
    My first thought was to have you remarried. The recent espousal of your sister has stirred considerable interest among the families. Hearing of your widowhood, Corbus has seemed particularly keen to marry you. A marriage alliance with his family would make my heart soar under normal conditions, but, alas, it can only weep.
    You know how I value the word of the Lord and how I seek to follow his truth. Upon hearing of Corbus’ interest, I rushed to Bishop Theod to arrange the event promptly. He refused to bless the engagement as he feared such a thing would provoke gossip that you had hurried Jehan’s departure to pursue an illicit affair. It does not help that Corbus too would be remarrying, having divorced his prior wife for infertility. Despite my protestations at the time, I have come to understand- the damaging rumors that would result from such a union would surpass the benefit of marrying a man of a good family and a childhood friend. To remarry you at all would be a disservice to God, as the Council of Tribur decreed.
    Recently, your sister, Basina, has been urging me to bring you home. She is quite emotional with the upcoming wedding and purports to be all the time lonely despite being constantly attended to. She misses her sister, and I am sure she will be very glad to notice your presence at the coming wedding. Nevertheless, believe me when I say I cannot bring you home.
    With your youth and beauty, you would tempt the servants and unmarried men. Your sister’s betrothed comes to the house many times a day, and if you were to jealously tempt him to stray for marital purity and towards your own bed, you would force him to commit a grave sin, bringing disorder and strife to this happy home. I urge you to think of your sister’s happiness, your love of family, and duty to God when I tell you that I cannot allow you to return and bring the devils of mistrust and illicit intimacy. As a good mother, wife, and follower of the Lord, I can think of only one place where you can serve your family and remain in the graces of God- the abbey.
    Due to the great patronage of your father and myself, our relationship with Abbey du Fainstand is very amicable. Indeed, it was Bishop Theod himself that suggested the idea, and Abbess Chunsia was quick to approve it. You shall be like the great Queen Mathilda- as faithful to the Lord in your widowhood as in your matrimony and serve the true eternal companion. Perhaps you may one day produce miracles! I say this in jest, of course. I would never assume to know the workings of the Lord. However, it is clear that in your desperate condition, He has decided to take you as his own. He will purify you and wash away the sins of lust and temptation. Ah, my daughter, I almost wish that I myself had such an opportunity. It is clear that you have a higher calling to the Lord, so you shall tend to yours, and I, as faithful mother and wife, shall tend to mine.
    I hope this letter reaches you in time. As I write this, the carriage is on its way to fetch you.

Yours Faithfully,
Mother  

New issue coming soon!

You've seen what happens when they're trying to keep boys and girls apart; now discover what happens when they're trying to keep them together--and get them to heaven, too! Our next issue, Squaring the Circle: Keeping Marriage Christian, and Christians Married—coming in two weeks!