So You Want to Be a Christian?
Welcome, friends, to another installment of our weekly guide to Christianity. Those of you who joined us last week will remember our guide to acceptable entertainments for those who wish to devote themselves to Christ. This week, we tackle a different sort of diversion: marriage. What makes a Christian marriage? And how can you make sure your marriage is pleasing to Christ? We’re happy to present ten easy steps to maintaining a Christian marriage – stick close to these guidelines and you can’t go wrong.
1. If you are strong enough to live a pure, chaste life without the companionship of another, then do so.
2. If you, however, find yourself unable to be chaste, you may channel your desires into the institution God has desired for such a purpose: marriage.
3. To contract a marriage, one must acquire the consent of one’s partner. This, above all else, is essential to the formation of a marriage.
4. If means allow, however, the customary gifts of property and wealth may be exchanged between families. It is also appropriate for the union to be consecrated within a church. A tasteful pair of crowns worn on the heads of the newlyweds is desirable, though not obligatory.
4 (a) If a man wishes to show his betrothed his cows prior to marriage, this is allowable, provided the cows are indeed literal and not metaphorical.
5. Christianity allows for one marital partner, in a bond which remains steadfast until the death of one of the spouses.
5 (a) Christianity allows for one marital partner, even if the party seeking a separation is a King, and even if his Queen’s reputation is itself not blameless.
5 (b) Should one’s spouse die, the remaining spouse is free to remarry, though it is of course best if they live a chaste life, fully devoted to Christ after being widowed.
5 (c) Don’t kill your spouse in order to obtain freedom to remarry.
6. Sexual relations within a marriage can be turned to a singular purpose in the service of God: the bearing of children, which can be raised in His teachings.
7. However, some may feel the need to act on physical desires outside of this context. Your spouse is entitled to your desires and affection, and in turn you are entitled to theirs. Do not withhold relations from your partner, as this sort of frustration may cause them to stumble.
8. By the same token, however, there are times during which physical love should be restrained. Partners should refrain from carnal pursuits on the Sabbath and during Lent.
9. If you are able to show the restraint commanded above, you may be able to live a still-more chaste life. So long as it does not cause your spouse to stumble, refrain from sexual interaction with one another. Instead, let your partnership’s sole focus be on serving Christ.
10. Remember that marriage is a union accessible to all, which should in its purest state mirror the love of Christ for his church. By maintaining the sanctity of your marriage, you will bring glory to Christ, and help further His kingdom.
And that’s it for this week! Don’t forget to check back in a week for our next column: Feast or Famine, Proper Liturgical Fasting for Beginners
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