EQUITAN! – The musical
A modern and slightly sarcastic interpretation of "Equitan" by Marie de France
With specific references to modern day media and trends
Book by Lauren Sohn, with songs based on lyrics and original music from A Very Potter Musical
For the tunes of the original songs:
Courtly Life (to the tune of Granger Danger): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r9S7HV46Ow
When I Live With You (to the tune of We’re Different, also called When I Rule the World): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sD222p1lB-o
Courtly As Can Be (to the tune of Different as Can Be Reprise) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCGHbjknd2o
Lovers with All of You (based on a few lines from 2:35-2:50): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1ldEx3qZAk
We Won’t Be Apart (to the tune of Not Alone): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHedOLO35sQ
Seneschal’s Revenge (to the tune of Dumbledore’s Army, also called Voldemort is Going Down, beginning at 0:10): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JoOuM9dT6w&list=PLCC4F4FDFC48F90D2
Cast:
EQUITAN – Iwain (for how everyone thinks he’s fantastic but he actually is a cheating scumbag)
LORD 1 – Nicholas I (for how he’s focused on the to-do’s and to-don’ts)
LORD 2/GUARD – Mathilda of Ringelheim (For being a respectable person and seeing the best in everyone)
LORD 3 – Peter Abelard – (for not being sure of what women actually want/being clueless)
SENESCHAL – Bourchard of Worms (for creating a legal and social map of the value of different sins, in this case the value of cheating vs. plotting a murder)
WIFE – Andreas Capallanus (for the focus on the differences between class of Equitan and the wife)
GIRL – Elizabeth I (for trying to guard the room like she tried to guard her personal life)
ACT 1
Scene 1
[The stage is set like an outdoor arena, perfect for various knightly tournaments. Enter EQUITAN, accompanied by various lords and nobles.]
EQUITAN
Ho, boys! What a lovely day for hunting, eh?
LORD 1
Yes, sir, always. But…you’re hunting every day.
EQUITAN
So?
LORD 1
Well...don’t you think you should take care of your kingdom?
EQUITAN
Ha! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Besides, my dear Seneschal takes care of my things for me!
[Enter SENESCHAL]
SENESCHAL
You called?
EQUITAN
Yes, of course! I’m going hunting today!
SENESCHAL
AGAIN? Oy, it feels like you never stop playing sports and hunting and...other things. Like women. If you catch my drift.
[Dramatic wink at EQUITAN, indicative of a sexual reference.]
EQUITAN
I see what you did there.
[Enter WIFE. WIFE stands apart from crowd, downstage. She is beautiful, in an evil sort of way. She has grey eyes, a good figure, and a nose in the right place. The nose is very important, here. If the actress’s nose is not in the right place fix it. WIFE is wearing makeup, which is rare for her.]
SENESCHAL
Hey, my wife is here. Wow, she looks great, doesn’t she? Makeup does wonders. Look, I gotta go. Let me know when you’re ready to leave and I’ll keep your estate in order when you do.
[SENESCHAL crosses downstage to his WIFE. Freeze. Spotlight on EQUITAN.]
EQUITAN
Is his wife related to a fisherman? Cuz she’s caught me hook, line, and sinker! I’ve never noticed till now, but she’s like...the masterwork of nature. I swear, I’ve never seen someone so beautiful. And her nose...wow. Some people have just plain, boring noses, but hers….it’s definitely in the right place, you know? The place noses should be.
LORD 2
Sir, she’s a pretty cool person, from what I’ve heard. Respectable, you know?
EQUITAN
Is that so…? Look, guys, I have an idea. Hear me out here. Do you think she likes flowers?
LORD 3
Um...-
EQUITAN
Roses? Maybe jewelry? Gold? Silver?
LORD 3
I’m not sure, she probably –
EQUITAN
Look just give her something and make sure you tell her it’s from me. But don’t tell her husband, got it?
LORD 3
Got it.
[Exit LORDS. Exit WIFE and SENESCHAL. EQUITAN stares off in the distance. Spotlight on EQUITAN.]
EQUITAN
Oh man. She’s hot. I don’t mean to sound creepy but…*gestures to audience* between you and me, let’s just say I’ve basically never desired anything so much in my life. I wonder if I can go stare at her from afar.
[EQUITAN exits after them. Blackout.]
Scene 2
[Enter EQUITAN.]
EQUITAN
[Calling to offstage]
SENESCHAL!
[Enter SENESCHAL. Responding as he is walking. Also shouting.]
SENESCHAL
WHAT?
EQUITAN
How are you and your wife doing?
SENESCHAL
Um...we’re fine….why do you –
EQUITAN
GOOD! Good….Excellent. Awesome. Is she still hot?
SENESCHAL
Excuse me?
EQUITAN
I said, wow it’s hot! Look, I’m planning on going hunting again for a special woman. I mean animal. So make sure you take care of my estate while I’m gone!
SENESCHAL
[Irritable]
Again?
EQUITAN
You’ll have to stay at my estate so that your manor will be empty except for you wife. I mean, it’ll be empty because you’ll be here. [Coughs.] Without your wife. [Coughs.] I mean, what?
SENESCHAL
Uh, are you sure that’ll be –
EQUITAN
Great! I’ll see you in a few days!
[Exit EQUITAN. Blackout.]
Scene 3
[Lights up on EQUITAN and WIFE, sitting around a table, laughing]
EQUITAN
So the king says to the prince, ‘Son, don’t be rude! What do you say after you burp…?’ And the son says, ‘That’s easy! I issue a royal pardon!’
[Laughter]
EQUITAN
Wow, you really are as lively as they say you are! And, you know, obviously I’m pretty cool too. I can tell you’re courtly and wise and proper and friendly and not cold and, of course, totally beautiful, just from this one meeting. I’m perceptive like that.
[EQUITAN stands up, stretches. He tries to be suave, ends up tripping over his own feet. Pause. He stares at WIFE longingly.]
[Pause]
[WIFE clears her throat. EQUITAN jumps, blushes.]
EQUITAN
Well, this was lovely, but I should probably actually do those things that kings do...but don’t worry, I have a feeling we’ll see each other soon.
[Lights down on WIFE. Spotlight on EQUITAN, who looks out at the audience. As he speaks, the scene changes to his bedroom with his bed behind him.]
EQUITAN
What are you staring at? I’m not in love. Nope. Absolutely not. And even if I was, it’s not my fault. Love is a tricky thing. It’s like...like a full on assault. A rude one, at that. Like an infection.
[EQUITAN sits on his bed.]
EQUITAN
Well...fine. Maybe I am in love. But what good is it really, to be in love?! Love really sucks, you guys…it’s like...she just gives me all these funny feelings in my tummy and I just know it’s all her fault!
[EQUITAN lies down. Beat. EQUITAN springs back up.]
EQUITAN
Well that was no use, I definitely can’t sleep. What is fate trying to do here, anyway, making me meet this lady? Now it feels like someone is stabbing my heart, and I’m practically shaking, see?
[EQUITAN shows audience that he is indeed shaking.]
EQUITAN
See, here’s the thing. I’m pretty sure I have to love her. Except, it’s obviously totally wrong for me to love her, because she’s the wife of my seneschal! So I can’t love her, because I have to keep faith with him if I want him to be faithful to me. Plus, if he found out I was completely in love with his wife [Cough. ]And possibly hoping to sleep with her,[cough], he’d probably a little bit bothered.
[Pause]
EQUITAN
On the other hand, it would totally suck for her to not be really loved, because what’s the point of her being totally hot if she doesn’t learn what it means to be loved? Obviously there isn’t one. And she’s so fine that anyone should be honored to have her love him! So really, if the seneschal found out, he’d have no reason to get upset. It’s rude to keep such a lovely wife to yourself. I should make it a law.
[EQUITAN lies down again. Beat. EQUITAN springs back up.]
EQUITAN
Okay, what’s still troubling me? I don’t know what I’m so worked up about. I haven’t even asked her if she’ll take me as her lover! Gee, here I am getting all worked up over nothing. I’ll find out right away if we share the same feelings, and if we do, maybe I can start to feel better.
[Dramatic sigh]
EQUITAN
Gosh...morning feels like it’s never going to come. There’s no way I’m going to be able to get to sleep tonight. I lay down ages ago but I’m still awake…
[Lights gradually increase, indicating arrival of daytime.]
EQUITAN
Well…I guess I’ll go hunting again. There’s nothing better to do. SENESCHAL!
SENESCHAL
[From offstage:]
WHAT???
EQUITAN
TAKE CARE OF MY STUFF, I’M GOING HUNTING!
SENESCHAL
[From offstage:]
At this rate there won’t be any animals left!
[Exit EQUITAN. Enter SENESCHAL.]
SENESCHAL
Well, the good thing about his hunting habit is that I can finally get some peace and quie –
[Re enter EQUITAN, barely registering SENESCHAL’s presence.]
EQUITAN
Forget what I said about hunting.
SENESCHAL
But...but….
EQUITAN
I don’t feel well, okay? God, don’t judge me. I’m going back to bed.
[Exit EQUITAN.]
SENESCHAL
Jeeze, you’d think he’s sick or something! What’s come over this guy?
EQUITAN
[From offstage:]
SENESCHAL!
SENESCHAL
Oh, for God’s...WHAT?????
[EQUITAN pokes his head out from offstage.]
EQUITAN
Will you call your wife? I have a very very important question for her that only she can answer.
SENESCHAL
O...kay…
[SENESCHAL takes out his phone and dials]
SENESCHAL
Hey, hon? You busy?...Look, the turnips can wait. The king wants you….Um, no, he didn’t mention anything about jokes, why?...No reason?....Oh, you don’t see a reason why he wants you. Well he said he wanted to ask you a question….I don’t know why he didn’t just ask me….You’d better not keep him waiting….Love you too, bye.
[Seneschal moves to stage right. Enter Equitan, stage left. Spotlight on both. They cannot see each other.]
(Singing: Courtly Life)
SENESCHAL
Here I am, face to face
With a situation I never
Thought I’d ever see, it’s strange
How my wife can be so great with just a little make-up
And she’s beautiful to me
It seems like my eyes have been transfigured,
In just one scene she changed
My eyes have opened wide, but hold that trigger
This could mean...married life!
I’ve fallen in love, fallen in love, fallen in love
I think I’ve fallen in love, fallen in love, fallen in love
With my beautiful wife…
EQUITAN
What? What the hell is this?
Do you expect me to sing about her?
I don’t care about her.
It was just a little make-up
Equitan, wake up!
I’m mistaken
She is the HOTTEST wife I’ve ever seen
Now, because she’s like a wife I’ve never seen
Don’t know why, I want to make her queen
This could mean….married life!
I’m falling in love, falling in love, falling in love
I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love
With my Seneschal’s wife.
EQUITAN and SENESCHAL
I wanna let her know...
SENESCHAL
I feel so queasy
EQUITAN and SENESCHAL
But I can’t let it show…
EQUITAN
She'll think I’m sleazy.
EQUITAN and SENESCHAL
Come on
SENESCHAL
Seneschal...
EQUITAN
Equitan…
EQUITAN and SENESCHAL
There has to be a change
There has to be a change….
SENESCHAL (EQUITAN)
Here I am, face to face
(What? What the hell is this?)
With a situation I never
(Do you expect me to sing about her?)
Thought I’d ever see, it’s strange
(Don’t care about her)
How my wife can be so great
(It’s just a little make-up)
With just a little make-up
(I can’t wake up!)
And she’s beautiful to me
(I’ve been mistaken)
It seems like my eyes have been transfigured,
(She is the HOTTEST wife I’ve ever seen)
In just one scene she’s changed
(Now, because she’s like a wife I’ve never seen)
My eyes have opened wide, but hold that trigger
(Don’t know why, I have to make her queen!)
EQUITAN and SENESCHAL
This could mean...married life!
I’ve fallen in love fallen in love, fallen in love
This could mean falling in love, falling in love, falling in love,
SENESCHAL (EQUITAN)
With my beautiful wife… (With the seneschal’s wife…) x3
EQUITAN and SENESCHCAL
Married life!
Scene 4
[Enter EQUITAN. Enter WIFE. Both sit on the bed.]
EQUITAN
You will never guess what I’m about to tell you.
WIFE
You’re completely and totally in love with me?
EQUITAN
No! See, I told you you wouldn’t be able to gue-oh.
[Pause]
Was it that obvious?
[Wife nods.]
Well then...I’m not sure what to say. I’m so in love with you that it’s driving me to my doom. You’re the only one who can make me feel better! If you can’t...I guess I’ll just die.
[Dramatic sigh]
WIFE
My lord...I think...I think…
EQUITAN
What?
WIFE
I need to think about this.
EQUITAN
Oh. Of course. Let me know when you’re ready to talk.
[Pause]
EQUITAN
Are you ready?
[WIFE holds up finger, indicating she needs more time]
[Pause]
How about now?
WIFE
Fine. Look, I’ve never even thought about a situation like this! This is the first time a king has ever told me he’s in love with me!
EQUITAN
As opposed to the second time…?
WIFE
The thing is, you’re a king.
EQUITAN
Right.
WIFE
And I’m not exactly rich.
EQUITAN
Yes, I know, but –
WIFE
It’s totally beneath you to think about me like this.
EQUITAN
Like what?
WIFE
As a lover! I mean, if you did what you want with me…
[Dramatic wink]
You’d probably end up being a total douchebag and leave me right afterwards, and I’d just be the worse for wear.
EQUITAN
I am not a douchebag!
WIFE
[Ignoring him]
And even if I did happen to love you and give you whatever you ask, it’s still not equal. We’re too different.
(Singing: When I Live With You)
You won’t take care of your kingdom
EQUITAN
You won’t take care of me.
EQUITAN and WIFE
We’re quite a kooky couple, you’ll agree.
WIFE
We both like pointing fingers.
EQUITAN
And yet, the feeling lingers…
EQUITAN and WIFE
We’re just about as different as anyone can be….
EQUITAN
You like hunting for beauty tips
And I like hunting to kill.
WIFE
You think you should hunt everything -
I think looks are a thrill!
Sipping tea by the fire is swell,
EQUITAN
Roasting your kill on it is fun as well!
I fear for the moment that our love dies
WIFE
So you ask me to cheat, hey, that’s a surprise!
EQUITAN and WIFE
I guess it’s plain to see
When you look at you and me!
We’re different,
Different,
As can be.
EQUITAN
You’re a beauty, a charmer, a wife!
I’m the richest of kings.
WIFE
I’m the poorest of nobles here -
I can’t afford many things!
EQUITAN
Our life together is about to unfold.
WIFE
You’d probably die from a common cold!
EQUITAN
I’ll make you love me, through and through
WIFE
Or live without me; you’ll have to make do.
EQUITAN and WIFE
You really must agree
When you look at you and me
We’re different
Different
As can –
EQUITAN
I’ll make you love me, and we’ll live our life!
But you must help it come through.
For when our plan succeeds –
WIFE
Prevails!
EQUITAN
Part of that life goes to you.
WIFE
When I live with you, I’ll have flowers!
EQUITAN (WIFE)
When I live with you, I’ll have sports!
And feast days and hunting, a day of festivities, and battles and fighting and all courtly pleasures!
(And long perfect noses!)
EQUITAN and WIFE
When I live with you!!!
(Speaking:)
WIFE
The thing is, my husband is the seneschal. He owes you a lot of respect, since you’re a king and all...and I don’t want you thinking you can just collect a love-tax or something from me. It ain’t love if it’s not equal, buddy. I’d rather be a poor guy’s wife if he’s got some sense and worth and he loves me a lot than be a king’s wife if he doesn’t actually care about me. I’d be scared all the time if I were with you, and you’d be scared that someone would steal my heart - after all, if you don’t actually care about me, why would I want to stay with you? If you only want me because you’re king, you’d be scared all the time that I would fall for someone who actually wants me for me!
EQUITAN
No, please! Don’t say it! It’s just a bourgeois bargain if they want something beneath them just for wealth or feudal respect. People who think they’re so slick because they’re always ready to drop their lover for someone better, they just end up losing in the end. I promise, I’m not like those guys! Don’t friendzone me! You don’t even have to think of me as your king! Call me your friend or servitor if you want. I swear, I’ll do anything for you! Just don’t let me die because you don’t love me. You’re the lady and I’m your servant. Please, just listen to me!
[EQUITAN begins to sob and carry on dramatically]
EQUITAN
HAVE MERCY ON ME! I SWEAR I LOVE YOU!!!
[EQUITAN falls at Wife’s feet]
WIFE
Okay, fine.
EQUITAN
Wait, what?
WIFE
I’ll love you.
EQUITAN
Really?
WIFE
Really.
[Wife and King begin to kiss. Blackout.]
Scene 5
[Lights up on King and Wife again, now mostly under the covers of the bed, sans clothes. They have very suspiciously messy hair.]
WIFE
Wow.
EQUITAN
Wow.
WIFE
Well if I wasn’t sure before…
(Singing: Courtly as Can Be):
I guess now it’s plain to see
When you look at you and me
We’re different
Different
As can be
EQUITAN and WIFE
We simply guarantee
When you look at you and me
We’re different
Different
As can be
WIFE
It’s a comedy of sorts
When you’re a lover from the courts.
EQUITAN
And I will never be at strife
‘Long as I’m with my seneschal’s wife
EQUITAN and WIFE
We’ll live our life together
Like we’re two ropes on a tether
We’re different
Different
Different, different
As can be!
[EQUITAN and WIFE exchange rings and run offstage.]
CURTAIN
ACT 2 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene 1
[Lights up on EQUITAN, sitting in his bed.]
EQUITAN
SENESCHAL!
[Enter SENESCHAL, looking tired. Bags under his eyes, etc.]
SENESCHAL
What.
EQUITAN
It’s time for me to be bled. In private, of course. So you’ll have to –
SENESCHAL
Yeah, yeah. You need me to close the doors and sit as magistrate and judge cases and hear debates and basically do everything you’re supposed to be doing.
EQUITAN
Exactly! Wow, you’re such a great seneschal!
SENESCHAL
Before I go, I have a question.
EQUITAN
Go for it!
SENESCHAL
Have you...have you ever thought about marriage?
EQUITAN
How DARE you!
SENESCHAL
What? I didn’t –
EQUITAN
Never speak of that again! In fact, nobody is allowed to talk about marriage ever again with me!
[Exit EQUITAN. slamming the door behind him. Enter GUARD.]
SENESCHAL
Sheesh, take a chill pill man.
GUARD
What’s going on?
SENESCHAL
The usual - the King’s being really weird about marriage. He won’t even consider it!
GUARD
That’s just wrong, dude.
SENESCHAL
I know. I’m going to talk to my wife about it tonight, see how she feels about it. Maybe she’ll have some ideas about how to help him.
[Exit GUARD. Exit SENESCHAL.]
Scene 2
[Enter WIFE and EQUITAN.]
EQUITAN
Why are you acting so funny? You usually act so happy to see me! You hug me, you kiss me, you play sex games with me, you act happy!
WIFE
I just...when I said I wanted to be lovers with you, I meant I wanted to be lovers with ALL of you.
EQUITAN
All of me? What’s that supposed to mean? I’m all right here!
WIFE
No. There are pieces of you missing.
EQUITAN
If you’re referring to my problems downstairs, I have a new doctor and we just started a different treatment, so –
WIFE
That’s not what I mean.
EQUITAN
Then what is it?
[WIFE starts to cry.]
EQUITAN
What’s the matter?? Why are you crying??
WIFE
I’m crying about our love. I just...it hurts so much. I’ve heard the rumors.
EQUITAN
What? What rumors?
WIFE
That you refuse to marry! I just know...you’re going to end up taking some wife, probably a king’s daughter, and you’ll leave me behind forever and I don’t know what I’ll do!
EQUITAN
No, it’s not like that! Look, here’s the thing:
(Singing: We Won’t Be Apart)
I’ve been alone
Surrounded by darkness
I’ve seen how heartless
My people can be
Now I see you crying
You think I’ll get married
But we will be buried
Together, and you’ll see
Baby, you’re not alone
‘Cause you’re here with me
And I won’t leave you cuz I’ll make you queen
It’s true that I won’t ever take a bride
Or be at another’s side
My queen of course is what you’ll be, nobody can stop me, we’ll make it through.
(Speaking)
My dear, lovely girl, don’t worry! I’m planning on taking a bride, it’s true, but I won’t leave you for someone else, either!
WIFE
(Singing)
Well I’m grateful indeed
If you could guarantee
To never leave me or wed…
I’ll kill my husband
With some of your help
We’ll be together all our lives
And I realize….
EQUITAN
(Speaking)
I will help!
WIFE
(Speaking)
Fantastic!
EQUITAN and WIFE
(Singing)
Baby we won’t be apart!
Cuz we’ll make a plan
And nothing’s gonna stop my/your husband’s death
'cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you
And you know it's true
It don’t matter what'll come to be
Our love is all we need to make it through.
WIFE
(Speaking)
So here’s what we’ll do. You’ll go “hunting” again, near where I live, and tell everyone that you’re going to be bled there. Then tell people that on the third day you’re going to take a bath. Oh, and, of course, my husband will have blood drawn, too. Make sure he takes his bath with you.
EQUITAN
No homo!
WIFE
Seriously?
EQUITAN
What?
WIFE
That makes you sound like an idiot.
EQUITAN
Oh.
WIFE
Anyway, you have to make sure that he takes his bath along with you! Tell him he has to do it, that you get lonely without him.
EQUITAN
He will never believe that...can I PLEASE say no homo?
WIFE
If you’re that insecure about yourself, go ahead. But it makes you sound like an idiot. It doesn’t matter what you say, just get him to be there with you! I’ll order the two tubs to be brought, except that his will be filled with boiling water, so hot that nobody could ever survive it!
EQUITAN
But what will I tell my men?
WIFE
Tell them that he just died in his bath. They won’t suspect a thing.
[Exit EQUITAN and WIFE.]
Scene 3
[EQUITAN and SENESCHAL in a cabin.]
EQUITAN
So how’s the bleeding going?
SENESCHAL
It’s going fine. Taking a lot out of me, you know?
[Pause for dramatic effect. Fist bump.]
What about you?
EQUITAN
Well, saying it’s going swell would be mis-bleeding…
[Pause again for dramatic effect. Another fist bump.]
Anyway, I’m going to take a bath. Care to join me? No homo.
SENESCHAL
You sound like an idiot.
EQUITAN
Do I?
SENESCHAL
Yes, you do. I’ll take my bath with you if you never say that again.
EQUITAN
Done.
SENESCHAL
I think my wife can prepare the water. Hang on a second.
[Exit Seneschal. Beat. Reenter Wife. She has two tubs with her, which she places in front of the bed.]
EQUITAN
So everything’s here?
WIFE
As promised.
[EQUITAN pulls her close and they begin to kiss, falling on to the bed. Blackout.]
Scene 4
SENESCHAL
[From offstage:]
You let me in!
GIRL
[From offstage:]
Sir, please, I can’t - not now - can’t you see - the king told me –
SENESCHAL
[From offstage:]
Let. Me. IN!
[On the last word, there is a crashing sound; SENESCHAL stumbles in as lights go up on EQUITAN and WIFE, messed up hair, naked under the covers as before.]
SENESCHAL
What the….
WIFE
Uh oh.
[EQUITAN looks from the SENESCHAL’s wife to the SENESCHAL, makes a small yelping noise, and in one swift motion jumps into the bath with the boiling water. [Note: in order to not actually boil alive, it is crucial to not actually fill the bath with boiling water. This would kill the actor. Please do not kill the actor.] Yelps, howling, dying sounds, etc.]
[Pause]
WIFE
I’m...sorry.
SENESCHAL
(Singing: Seneschal’s Army)
You think that I’m finished?
You think that it’s done?
You think that it’s over?
Your battle is won? HA!
You think that I’m finished,
But I am not through.
Stop and think my wife,
Of what I could do to you!
WIFE
Equitan never got super mad,
You have no reason to get super sad,
So please don’t kill me!
SENESCHAL
Kill you?
Make a fearful sound!
Into that bath, you’re going down!
Waters: ignite!, so I can fight
Turn this cheating around!
You tried to plan,
Tried to be a hit man
Into that bath, you’re going down!
I can feel the fire burning,
Now it’s time to be a man
A great big, muscley,
Super big, super-hot man!
[SENESCHAL grabs WIFE]
WIFE
(Singing)
Aaaahh!!
SENESCHAL
I won’t be pushed around anymore
I’ll be a force you cannot ignore
I’ll get you back like the Trojan War
The Trojan War!
Waters: ignite!, so I can fight
Turn this cheating around!
You tried to plan,
Tried to be a hit man
Into that bath you’re going down!
[Ensuing struggle between SENESCHAL and WIFE]
Waters: ignite!, so I can fight
Turn this cheating around!
You tried to plan,
Tried to be a hit man
Into that bath you’re going….
WIFE
Not the bath! Not the bath!
SENESCHAL
Into that bath, you’re going down!
[SENESCHAL plunges WIFE’s head into boiling bath water. Screams, flailing, etc. Then silence. [Note: Same thing about the boiling water. Please don’t boil the actress’s head]]
SENESCHAL
[Spoken, to audience]
Look, just don’t plot to murder people.
OFFSTAGE VOICE
SENESCHAL!
SENESCHAL
COMING!
Curtain
No comments:
Post a Comment