What is Love? Baby, Don't Hurt Me: The True Story of Equitan, and How It Should Have Ended by Andreas Capellanus

What is love? Love is suffering. Love is feeling like if you can't wrap your beloved up in your arms right this instant you are positively going to die. Love is at the same time this world's greatest torment and greatest elation. Love is having infinite words brimming at your mouth, eager to tell your beloved your wildest thoughts, while at the same time being terrified of offending them. Love is chancing upon the woman who causes your heart to stop, and feeling at once the lust beginning to grow in your heart. Love is thinking about your love so constantly you feel your heart about to go up in flames, until you cannot help but woo her. Love is the vigilant planning of seduction, the careful arrangement of the perfect meeting, and finally succeeding in touching her hand. Love is suffering everyone can see. If no one can see your distress at not having your mistress by your side, then you are not in Love.

"When it come to love, those without understanding and wisdom are indifferent to life; it is the wisdom of love that no one ought to try and stay rational."

His Highness Equitan, ruler, judge, and king the Nanz, is the pinnacle of the love between a noble man and an everyday woman. In the eyes of Equitan, this woman (the wife of his seneschal) was not ordinary. She was courtly and verbose, and none compared. She bewitched him, the mischievous minx, the first time he simply heard a passing man mention her. He carefully planned a visit to her castle, and upon first glance she turned him into a shadow of his former self.

He was entirely incapacitated, the wench had him in her talons. His suffering was obvious; The king was gaunt and anxious, his hair unwashed and his robes wrinkled. He thought about her every waking moment - when he tried to rest her gaze was emblazoned inside his eyelids. He was entirely and utterly incapacitated.

He thought briefly of the seneschal, an old friend of his family's, but quickly pushed the inferior out of his mind. Equitan was compelled to love her, he had no choice in the matter. There was no way the seneschal could have the same feelings for the concubine he did, and the seneschal was in fact being quite selfish by not sharing his wife. Yes, Equitan would surely go mad if he didn't have this woman, so it was only right he take her. He decided to tell her that he would die if she refused his love.

The woman did not come to him easily. She protested, but was no match for Equitan's charm and boyish good looks. She insulted the king, saying he would seduce and leave her once he got what she believed he wanted. She claimed her husband to be the superior man morally. Fool! He pleaded with her to let him complete her, to give her a ring. Finally, she relented and allowed him to wed her in secret.

She would come under cover of darkness to see the man she grew to love, and she would leave again under the cover of darkness. Love can grow in the shadows, but left without light too long it will become asphyxiated. The king was plagued with betrothals and every face he encountered nagged him relentlessly about marrying, and this caused the woman to approach insanity. She had the nerve to tell the king she would just die if he married another, when she should have just been grateful a man of his status and nobility would even consider having her in his life.

She tricked him - in a desperate attempt to save their love - into agreeing to an evil, murderous plot. For their love to survive, they must rid themselves of the seneschal. He procured for her the venom of a deadly snake, while she arranged a dinner between the king and her soon-to-be-late husband. In her wily womanly ways, she slipped the venom into the seneschal's drink and the couple watched his eyes realize too late what had happened, as he fell to the floor clutching his neck in agony.

With the seneschal at their feet, eyes still open, the happy couple rejoiced and quickly consummated the victory of their love. Anyone who would like to understand can derive this lesson: Those who try to obstruct the passionate desires of a noble man, especially one as regal and courtly as King Equitan, will die in love's wake. These events took place as I (not as Marie de France) have related them to you. The Bretons composed a lay about them, about Equitan and how he conquered and captured the woman he loved so, and how she paved the way for their love to flourish in the light.

Throwback Thursday: Guillaume "The Troubadour" de Poitiers

Throwback Thursday: Guillaume "The Troubadour" de Poitiers

We know all about current country heartthrobs Luke Bryan, Justian Moore, and Dustin Lynch. But it’s throwback week, so we’re going past Garth Brooks, past George Strait, and even past Johnny Cash. That’s right, we’re going all the way back to our interview with the original heartbreaker, Guillaume “The Troubador” de Poitiers!

So Guillaume, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself before we get started? 

First off, you can can me William. Guillaume is my French name. I’m the son of William VIII of Aquitaine. I inherited the duchy a few years ago after my father’s death. Not only am I a duke, but I’m also a singer songwriter. 

Tell us a little bit about your most recent hit “Farai un vers, pos mi somelh”

That really is one of my favorite songs that I’ve ever recorded. It speaks pretty honestly about love and women, of course it also is just a fun story. I think it’s pretty relatable for most guys, I mean, who hasn’t pretended to be a mute before? I had a really good time researching and writing this one. It was a bit tough to stay dedicated at one point, but I’d say it worked out for me. 

Anything exciting in the future for you that you’d like to talk about? 

I’m thinking about taking some time from my music to explore and find myself. Pope Urban II has been urging me to lead a crusade to Jerusalem. I’m a little on the fence about it, but it would be a fantastic opportunity to enhance my military prowess. My wife doesn’t necessarily agree, but she doesn’t love a lot of what I do. So it’s a bit irrelevant. 

Speaking of your wife, what would you say are the most important traits in a successful marriage? 

Well, really the most important thing to me is that the marriage be politically advantageous. It is key to marry into a strong family with either political power or significant financial resources. For example, my wife Philippa was a great match. She has claims to Toulouse which would be a fantastic property to have possession of. 

Well if that isn’t a blast from the past I don’t know what is! A bit of a follow up for those of you who are a bit after his time, William lead a not very successful crusade, and then became quite familiar with the Viscountess Dangerose. William’s wife Philippa protested this measure by moving to the Abbey of Fontevrault in 1116, she died shortly after. William died a few years later in 1126 at the age of 55. 

Below you’ll find a to a recreation of that 10th century troubadour hit “Farai un vers, pos mi somelh”

*Lyrics(in English)

Unlock Your Chastity Belts and Throw Those Amulets Away! The Latest in Medieval Contraception (Mock Article from Women's Health Magazine)

Can your man not keep his hands to himself? Does your husband not understand intercourse leads to more children? Are you in a position where you can't say no to sexual intercourse, but already have too many mouths to feed? Look no further: the writers here at Women's Health want to help you dispel all your contraceptive myths!

Forget charms. Forget amulets and trinkets; they are nothing but folly meant to divert your logic and secure coin purse. Trust no witch on the corner nor foreign vendor in the marker. Take this bit of "advice" from the Trotula Ensemble, for example.

Take a male weasel and let its testicles be removed and let it be released alive. 

Let the woman carry these testicles with her in her bosom,

 and tie them in goose skin or in another skin, 

and she will not conceive.

This is ridiculous! The only true forms of contraception lie in the tricks of the mind and in the powers of herbs. There are a number of potions and medicines that can be brewed from plans as simple as asarum, ferula, artemisia, greater and lesser century plants, pepper, Queen Anne's lace, myrrh, licorice, pennyroyal, rue, peony, parsley, and cypress. None of these plants would cause suspicion to arise in your spouse, and can be easily acquired. See the index for specific recipes or listings of local vendors.

There are also ways to trick your man if he desires intercourse and you've just had enough. Tell him you must feed your child directly from the tit for at least three years lest your child not grow big and strong, and convince your husband that sexual intercourse while lactating will cause deformities in the child. If he does not believe this, no fear! It is nearly impossible to become pregnant while lactating. Burn your stove hotter than usual, or not at all; excessively hot or frigid air may cause your husband to fall asleep. Pour more alcohol into his drink than he requests; the spirits will make his manly parts unable to perform.

(Side Effects of Various Medicines May Include: Headaches, Dizziness, Swelling of the Vagina, Loss of Appetite, Infections, Strangury, Infancy Defects, Still Births, Sterility, Death)

Further Reading: Mazo Karras, Ruth. "Sex and Marriage" from Sexuality in Medieval Europe: Doing Unto Others. Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group: New York City, New York, 2005. Print. 

The Fear of Sex

Finding the origin of our modern fear of sex seems simple enough when looking through medieval texts. Medieval Christianity thought sex was inherently immoral (though acceptable in marriage) because it was of the flesh, whereas God, who is any Christian’s true purpose to appease, was of the spirit. Our country was founded by puritans and these views were brought over and inlaid in the very foundation, only recently are these views on sex slightly (and in some places) beginning to ebb.  However other than the distinction between of the body and of the spirit there seems little in terms of explanation as to why sex was immoral. I can’t help but wonder where this stigma around sex originated, because it seems early human must have had no reservations whatsoever about it. And a more tangible example of human’s less strict view is God’s word in the Old Testament, commanding humankind to procreate. Though intercourse was for a purpose it was nonetheless commanded by God.

Many point to the bible, using it as a source to pronounce sex, homosexuality, abortion and other topics as abominations. It seems the closer we look at the texts being pointed to they’re either sparsely mentioned, taken out of context or (seemingly) misinterpreted. Many modern scholars of the bible find little justification for some age old hatreds iconically associated with Christianity. In an interview with Jennifer Knust in 2011 about her book “Unprotected Texts: The Bible’s Surprising Contradictions About Sex and Desire” she describes the story of Ruth. Ruth is a poor, widowed woman who is fancied by the owner of the field she works in. She seduces the field owner, who then chooses to marry her, and they become the great grandparents of King David.

The formation of this view of sex is most likely inextricably combined with the formation (and increasing strictness) of marriage. It also seems the answer is so far and distant we will never know where the idea of sex as immoral originated. Perhaps there was a compelling individual that began the movement. Perhaps is developed slowly over generations. Maybe someone genuinely viewed it as immoral, maybe someone loved someone else and didn’t want them sleeping with other people, maybe they were trying to prevent STD’s in their kingdom. As outlandish as some of these examples seem there is, to my knowledge, nothing to proclaim them as untrue either. As I said before it appears there will never be a true answer, but I believe Knust makes compelling speculations when responding to the a question almost identical to the one I’m posing:

Why in your view are Americans so obsessed about sex? Why does religion collapse so readily into morality and morality into bedroom issues?
I wish I knew! Perhaps focusing on morality, especially morality in the bedroom, makes it possible for us to avoid facing other, more intractable problems. Perhaps speaking incessantly about sexual morals allows some to assert a position of moral superiority, thereby promoting their own brand of righteousness at the expense of someone else’s. Or perhaps people are simply longing for certainty about a topic that impacts everyone, since every human person desires to be touched and loved. Every human body is vulnerable and sexual difference is one of the fundamental ways in which we experience being human. Absolute certainty about these matters would therefore be nice, if it were available. As even the Bible can teach us, it isn’t.

            The idea of longing for certainty, in all aspects of life, true strikes a chord with me. I’ll try to end this post with some certainty: at this point it doesn’t matter where such hatred of sexuality originated. However one feels about sexuality is their own truth. When someone can truly justify why sex is immoral, in a way that convinces you, sex will be immoral. When someone can truly justify why sex is irrelevant to morality, it will be irrelevant.

http://www.bu.edu/today/2011/the-bible%E2%80%99s-contradictions-about-sex/ - Jennifer Knust

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