Queens on Twitter

Elizabeth I: Stop telling me to get married. I don't need a man to be successful. #Patriarchy #ShutUp

Elizabeth I: Guys, enough with the lame sonnets. #sorryimnotsorry

Judith: @AssyrianArmy I'm just over here using the severed head of your general as an arm rest, no big deal #Badass #IDontCare

Theodora: To all my haters, I know you’re just afraid of my power. #HatersGonnaHate

Theodora: Call me Jezebel all you want, I’m actually trying to help women who were forced into prostitution. #DealWithIt

Jezebel: @Theodora: I wore some makeup and stuff, and now my name is synonymous with prostitution? What’s up with that? #GetYourFactsStraight

Theodora: @Jezebel I didn’t mean you specifically, but your name has come to mean something kind of negative. Sorry.

Mathilda: When I was 14 I was abducted from a monastery against my will and married to some guy. #YesAllWomen

Balthild: @Mathilda Yes, when I was younger I had to hide under a bunch of rags from some creep named Erchinoald who wanted to marry me.

Judith: @Mathilda This has been a problem for centuries. Holofernes tries to rape me (it didn’t turn out well for him). #YesAllWomen

Balthild: Made some more donations to the monasteries today! #Piety #IAmAGoodQueen #Praise

Radegund: To all my fellow queens posting about their pious acts on twitter, humblebragging is still bragging. It’s not humble. #HolierThanThou #SaintStatus

Balthild: @Radegund Those itchy clothes sure are putting you a bad mood, huh? 

Semiramis: @Christine de Pizan I was told you included me in your City of Ladies! What inspired you to write it?

Christine de Pizan: @Semiramis Some asshole named @Matholeus wrote this terrible book that made me feel bad about myself as a woman, so with the help of @Reason, @Rectitude and @Justice I decided to list all the awesome women in history.

Fredegund: Rest in peace, Galswintha. On an unrelated note, I’m looking forward to moving back into the palace tomorrow! #MovingOnUp

Guinevere: So it’s a big deal if I commit adultery, but not if kings have affairs? #DoubleStandards

Guinevere: And for the last time, I did not hook up with Kay. #StopBeingSoNosy #NotYourBusiness

Lancelot: @Guinivere: I’m about to get into a brawl with a guy at this bar. Do I win or lose?

Brunhilda: Thinking of baby names… I’m leaning towards Ingund, Chlodosind and Childebert. Cute, right? #JustMarried #Blessed

Emma: @Mary You’re my biggest inspiration! I want to be just like you.

Mary: @Emma I’m delighted to hear it. #ImitationIsTheSincerestFormOfFlattery

Constance: My son is the future Emperor, and yes, he really is mine. #PropheciesDontLie #ComeOnPeopleIDontLookTHATOld

Lady Macbeth: Sometimes you have to do things you might regret for the sake of ambition. #JustBeingHonest #QueenshipAintEasy