Now men, we all know how hard it is to control your highly active libidos. In fact it is in your very nature to indulge in carnal relations. Burchard, Bishop of Worms and noted expert on manners and mores, does not think that the chastity of monk-hood is the answer to your problems. He doesn’t even require conjugal chastity in marriage, though he agrees it can be one of the best ways to go about marriage. No, to Burchard marriage is the social institution within which proper sexual relations may occur. Within your marriage bonds you are able to scratch that carnal itch in the proper ways. But what if it just isn't working for you this Valentines' Day? Well, odds are it isn't your fault. It's probably the woman in your relationship who is making trouble.
Now I understand that some of you are not married. Some of you relieve yourselves with one of the many concubines found all over the country. Still others take your pleasure with the unmarried women in your household. Burchard does not truly approve of your actions, but he is willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. To his mind, it's not really your fault for engaging in these relations. We all know that women are “frivolity personified, fickle” and “perverse themselves, and likely to pervert the men.” Clearly the blame for men’s philandering and sexual deviations lies with them.
Unmarried women are inherently dangerous to men. When they gather together in a man's house, how is he supposed to resist their womanly wiles? “Married women were less dangerous than frustrated females living in other people's houses, provoking rape and adultery and breaking up peaceful marriages.” Clearly these women are asking for men to come and fulfill their carnal desires by any means necessary. It's not your fault that you sleep with them, whether they like it or not. It's in your nature to respond to their irresistible yet devious attractions. And once you are married, those concubines and maidens with whom you formerly had sexual relations may become spiteful and jealous. They, like all women, have at their disposal mystical devious means, such as incantations and spells, which they will use on you or your new wife, or even both of you. If you have a former regular lover, chances are she is ruining your love life.
Married women can be just as dangerous. They too have spells to increase or decrease your libido depending on their inconsistent urges. Even without resorting to magics, women are responsible for many of the sins within marriage. When women masturbate, pleasuring themselves for the sake of pleasure, they are “trying to elude the twofold curse of Genesis, which doomed them to submit to men and to bear children in pain.” Burchard starts their punishment with a year of abstinence from sex and meat. Women are also responsible for all problems concerning children. Infanticide, abortion, attempted use of birth control- all of these offenses stem from women only. When they do resort to magics, they will use any and all means upon themselves and their husbands or lovers, such as food or potions with different bodily fluids, or spoken incantations.
Even if your wife feels that it is your fault that the marriage is not working out, whether because she believes you to be an adulterer or unable to produce children, she is probably wrong. As long as you believe her to be wrong, then when (well, more like if) the matter is taken to your local bishop, you obviously get to present your side of the argument first. And as women are natural deceivers, your word is going to be taken above hers. So bring your problems to your local bishop; 99% of the time it will work out in your favor.
Men, I think it is clear that your trouble in love is really not your fault. If you let your dominating male nature come to play and keep your women in line, however difficult it may be, you will have much more luck in your sexual endeavors in the future.
All quotes courtesy of Georges Duby, "Marriage According to Bourchard," in The Knight, the Lady, and the Priest: The Making of Modern Marriage in Medieval France, trans. Barbara Bray (New York, 1983), 57-74.
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