Advice for The Ages: Season 1, Episode 7: Valentine's Day Special

Advice for The Ages

Episode 07: Valentine’s Day Special

(by Brittany Osborn)

[Scene opens on daytime talk show, with Augustine as host]

Augustine: Good morning! I'm St. Augustine and you're watching Advice for the Ages. Ancient to Medieval, we cover the topics that we know viewers like yourself are concerned with. Today is our Valentine’s Day special, where we’ll be discussing an issue that spans countless centuries: marriage. I’m sure with this Valentine’s Day, many of you young couples are wondering if marriage is for you. To help us better understand this, we’ve invited guests onto the show to give us their opinions on the pros, and cons, of this institution. Please help me welcome special guests St. Jerome and Queen Mathilda!

[Applause and music as cameras cut to Jerome and Mathilda’s entrance. Guests greet Augustine and each take a seat.]

Jerome: Thank you for having us.

Mathilda: It’s a pleasure to be here!

Augustine: Now Jerome, in your latest publication, you went to great lengths to express your opposition to the institution of marriage. Could you explain to our audience what it is you have against marriage?

Jerome: Many people nowadays are looking for answers, Augustine, and often, mistakenly, they think that marriage is it. Turning to marriage is not the only course of action open to someone, and in fact, I would prefer if people treated marriage as a backup plan. Especially for women; you need not lead a married life to lead a holy life.  

Augustine: So you advise chastity?

Jerome: Absolutely.

Augustine: I don’t think many people will share that opinion, especially today. Chastity isn’t typically a popular theme on Valentine’s Day.

Jerome: Virginity is the highest form of sacrament we can offer to the Lord; a chaste body, mind, and spirit are the unparallelled key to leading a good Christian life.

Augustine: I’d have to disagree with you there. The sacramental bond of marriage is one of its three best qualities, the other two being mutual fidelity and production of offspring.

Jerome: Ah, yes, well the best thing that can come from marriage is the production of more virgins.

[Audience laughs]

Augustine: But to be fair, you must admit, not everyone is cut out for the life of a holy virgin.

Jerome: True. They must remain not only chaste, but turn away from all earthly temptations. Many girls embrace the office of virginity in order to escape marriage and lead a soft life; they are the ones I reach out to. She can’t expect to lead a holy life if not completely freed from all earthly distractions, lest she fall among the evil virgins. “Nip evil in the bud” is what I like to say.

Augustine: Pursuing virginity is definitely a difficult undertaking. While virginity may be better for the soul, it does not mean it’s necessarily superior to marriage.

Jerome: Marriage has many disadvantages; pregnancy, a crying baby, the tortures of jealousy, the cares of the household management, ect. It’s definitely not worth the trouble.

Augustine: Uh huh. Well, Mathilda, I can see from your reaction that you disagree with Jerome. We’d like to hear your opinion.

Mathilda: Thank you, Augustine. I absolutely disagree. I was very happily married to my husband, King Henry I, for many years, and I never suffered the way just described.

Augustine: What do you say in response to Jerome’s claims about virginity?

Mathilda: Chastity is to be valued; I am an example of staying chaste throughout my marriage. I was true to my husband, but I was also true to God, spending every moment I could devoted to Him. In being a good wife, a servant of God, and a loving mother, I have lived as holy a life as any virgin.

Augustine: You’re a Saxon Queen; what do you say then to Jerome’s claim about earthly attachments?

Mathilda: I have never been a slave to earthly riches, as I spend my time as a philanthropist. My wealth doesn’t hinder me, it allows me to do God’s work. It’s not necessary to renounce everything in order to live a good Christian life. Being a wife and mother has made me even more devout in my faith.

Augustine: Thank you, Mathilda, it looks like that is all we have time for today. Thanks again to our special guests. We’ll be right back after this short break with more on our Valentine’s Day special. Coming up; St. Valentine himself will be joining us, so don’t go away!