Since my arrival to this foreign land in this very distant and godless year of our lord 2014, I have often been disappointed by how the Lord’s flock has strayed so far, with so many Christians lacking guidance and true devotion. Of course, when I, Jerome of Stridonium, first heard that these same people annually participated in a widespread celebration of a saint’s day, I was overjoyed to think that they may still practice some form of piety, yet I feared that this assumption was too good to prove true in such an age of blasphemy. But alas—twas so! Imagine my heartache when I discovered that this “Saint Valentine’s Day” was but a cover for the most lecherous displays of unholy atrocities to ever be paraded about before God! I am therefore compelled to air these grievances, on the Lord’s behalf, for you who partake in such sinful debauchery will surely not be able to cross the threshold and enter the gates of His holy city of heaven.
First will I mention that this new saint’s day seems but a farce. What saint is this, this Saint Valentine? There was no such saint when Christendom was led by wise men and true Christian values. What orthodoxy is this, pulling rogue men from nowhere and setting them up as holy saints? It is preposterous that such a man, one that I, much read in the histories, should have absolutely no knowledge of, should become canonized for his great deeds.
Let us not digress however, and proceed to more pertinent objections to this abysmal celebration. A patron saint of love seems not to me to be a sensible model to set before our congregations, who seek guidance by example. For look at what they have done with such a heretical “saint!” The good Christians have forgotten themselves and left behind their pious and simple lives, forgoing all that is on this supposedly holy day and giving in to every sort of physical manifestation of sin that Lucifer’s servant Valentine has lain before them. Do not forget yourselves! Let me remind you of these shameful practices that most condemn these sinners who partake in this day of corruption!
1. First, I have observed that many partake in vainglorious rituals, pampering their bodies to attract members of the opposite sex. They focus not on the soul, but on the physical being, taking pride in gaudy and scandalous attire. Indeed, no humility is shown. It seems the knowledge of taming the flesh are long gone, for I see none in the practices of these waylaid Christians. Soft silks and sensuous perfumes that encourage debauchery must be cast away in favor of hair shirts, to teach the body to forget its base desires.
2. As the celebration begins, gifts and finery are exchanged in overabundance. Flowers, jewelry, and other such items are given in excess in order to ensure a lover’s favor through material goods. This superfluous show of extravagance is sickening. I would remind the reader to heed the apostle Peter, when he denounces such devotion to material goods, which he calls “slavery to idols.”[i]
3. Later in the day couples set about feasting and drinking in pairs, oftentimes upon exotic sweets such as chocolate. Indeed, what sort of holy day is this, where each gorges upon fine dishes instead of fasting to scourge himself of sin? As I have said before, “avoid wine as you would avoid poison.”[ii] I am already disappointed enough at the prospect of such gluttony; the notion of so much wine being consumed when already the flesh is so untamed during a celebration of the patron “saint” of love horrifies me.
4. Some then proceed to proudly parade about, courting each other, sometimes committing adultery. I am stunned by the disregard these men and women have for their souls. These sinners care not for the piety of virginity, or even for matrimony. Lust consumes all on this Valentine’s Day. I would urge all to cast away this depraved lifestyle and instead seek a more holy life. Do not give in to the temptations of lust that this day lays before you! Look towards chastity to find yourself again on the virtuous path.
Therefore, I can only conclude by denouncing such an immoral mockery of a saint’s day. This holiday in Saint Valentine’s honor is nothing but a lecherous celebration of every sort of physical excess. Verily, this so called Saint Valentine is no saint at all, and he leads us not towards salvation but would by his example tempt us to stray. Harken back to simpler times, seek out simpler lives, and salvation will be yours.
[i] F. A. Wright, trans. Select Letters of St. Jerome. (London: William Heinemann LTD, 1933), 133.
[ii] Ibid, 69.
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