The True Lai of Lanval

I recently discovered that the story of Lanval’s and my love was recorded by the illustrious Marie de France, and I decided to read the thing, since so many people swoon over how incredibly romantic it sounds. I expected to find a credible tale similar to the actual events, perhaps with a few flourishes to capture the audience. But what I read must have been the stupidest story I have ever heard. Despite Marie de France’s claims, our tale did not revolve around Lanval and his actions, and I was not a minor, random character. The fact is, the lai of Lanval is really about me, my broken heart, and how I mended it. Marie de France was decidedly wrong in her depiction of my affair with Lanval, and I have taken it upon myself to set the record straight. What follows is the true lai of Lanval.

The adventure of one great lay,

Just as it happened, I'll relay:

It tells of a very nice fairy,

And she happens to be me.

The details of Lanval the knight,

As described by Marie de France,

Were, in fact, accurate and true

Until she wrote of his romance.

First you must know my own

History with King Arthur’s court.

You see, I knew his queen long ago

Before she was his consort.

Oh, we’d been the best of friends

Until she stole his heart away,

The man I loved so dear, and I vowed

Retribution upon her that same day.

So I left their land without a word

And devised a plan for revenge.

I had a broken heart to mend

And my honor to avenge.

Fairy that I am, I

Watched their kingdom from a distance

And found my chance in one knight,

An ideal tool for my vengeance.

I learned this knight, named Lanval,

Was kind and brave and true,

Yet the king declined to show him favor,

Though he deserved what all knights are due.

So I waited for Lanval to ride out alone,

And by my power lured him to a brook

Where my beautiful maidservants were waiting

To catch his lustful look.

Through their charm they bade him

To follow to where I wait,

In a lavish tent among lavish things,

In a rather provocative sort of state.

Then Lanval appeared, eyes wide

And I’ll admit I smugly smiled

That all my splendor was still unmatched

And men were so easily beguiled.

I flirted with the knight

Who so sorely needed acceptance,

And to my surprise I fell passionately in love

And we spent the night in joyance.

For yes, he was nice, but my God

I’d never seen a man quite so handsome!

I could barely remember my original intent

So infatuated with Lanval had I become.

We spent our time in each other’s arms

And I granted him everything I had.

He was just THAT good looking,

It was enough to drive a girl mad.

But even with our great love,

My heart refused to fully mend

And I set my plan back in motion:

I had a queen’s reputation to end!

I continued to care for my love,

And gave him all that he needed,

But I warned him to keep our tryst

A secret, to which he conceded.

Thus my plan was back in place,

As I knew Lanval too well,

Even though he was full of honor,

It was too hard, our secret, not to tell.

So when he arrived back in court,

I cast a spell on Arthur’s queen’s heart.

She fell madly in love with my Lanval,

And fervently wished him her sweetheart.

But my love refused, as I knew he would

And the petty woman rushed to the King

To slander the good knight’s name

For refusing her courting.

Finally, Marie de France did a fine job

Of telling what happened then:

How I came to Lanval’s aid, and

From the queen’s wraith, rescued him.

But the entire point of the story

Is that stealing another woman’s beau is wrong

And in the end she’ll gain the upper hand

(As I did) And receive the love of a better man.