Capellanus Tells You How: A Youtube Tutorial

This is a transcript of a Youtube tutorial by Andreas Capellanus on how to woo women based on the first dialogue in The Art of Courtly Love.

Video Title: Capellanus Tells You How: Middle Class Men Wooing Middle Class Women

AC:  “Hello Youtubers!  My name is Andreas Capellanus and today I’m going to teach all you middle class men how to get a middle class woman.

Here are some basic guidelines:

The first step after choosing your mark is to say “hi” as you normally would- nothing fancy between those of equal classes.

* TOP TIP: Don’t immediately start talking about love!  That is only for concubines and would be super insulting to any classy lady!*

Now try to wait for her to break the ice.  It is always better for you to respond to something she says than to barge right in with your own topic.  

If she doesn't initiate conversation, it is ok for you to start in with some compliments.  Women respond quite well to that sort of thing.

Now that the small talk is over, it is time to start talking love.  My amazing assistants Joe and Mary, who are currently in the process of courting, are now going to demonstrate a sample dialogue for you.”

J:  “God knew what was up when he made you.  You are hot and smart and awesome.  I would be the luckiest man alive if you would love me.”

M: “Oh stop it, I’m not all that.”

J: “Your humility just goes to show that you are awesome beyond a doubt.  ‘You don’t know you’re beautiful/that’s what makes you beautiful’  as the great troubadours of One Direction say.  I love you so much that I think you are the hottest woman out there regardless of whether you are actually beautiful or not, which you definitely are.  On top of all that you are super classy.”

M: “If I’m so classy maybe I should find a man of the upper class while you find yourself another middle class woman to woo.”

J: “Hey my character is just as classy as yours! Just because our characters are fitting of those of the upper class doesn't mean they allow us to jump out of the middle class.  If you can see my class as equal to yours at least say you would consider loving me, which is all I’ve wanted for ages.”

AC:  Now the conversation can go one of two ways depending on whether you are older or younger than the woman you are trying to woo.  If you are older:”

M:  “Ok, so your classy, but aren’t you a bit old?”

J:  “Look, it’s not my fault that I was born before you.   My age just means that I’ve had more time to be awesome and earn the reward of your love through great deeds, unlike those inexperienced uncultured teens.”

AC:  “If you are younger:”

M:  “Aren’t you a bit young for me?  I mean you haven’t had time to grow and do awesome deeds yet.”

J:  “How am I supposed to do daring deeds if I am not compelled and inspired by love?  All deeds stem from love itself.  If I am never in love and loved in return, how am I supposed to grow and learn?

M:  “Dude, it is not my job to be your teacher.  Go to college and gain some wisdom and perspective from people actually trained to help you with this stuff.”

J:  “Look, all I’m saying is why wait to reward someone’s good deeds with your love?  You should give it as a gift instead, and the young man will grow better for it. It’s just like religion: getting one sinner on the right path makes him more worthy than the others already on the road to salvation.

And just to be clear, when I say give a young man your love, I mean only the first stage-- the hope of love, not just hopping into bed with them.  The first step is hope of love, the second is kissing, the third is hugging and then the last is hanky-panky.  If you go through the four steps of love together, a young man will grow and by the last step have become worthy of it.

Also, it is better to grow with and train your own man than to give your love to someone who has been trained by another woman.”

M:  “It is going to take a lot of hard work on your part if you want to win my love.”

J:  “I’m so happy you have promised to love me after I work for it, as we both have to put time into this relationship. Good things come to those who wait.”

AC:  “And there you have it guys!  I hope this tutorial has been helpful, and I will see you in a week for the next instalment of ‘Capellanus Tells You How’ where I tell middle class men how to woo upper class ladies.  It’s gonna be good.  Bye!”