The

Art of

Inviting

Love In

A women’s companion to

The Art of Courtly Love

Marie de France

Edited by Andreas Capellanus

PREFACE

As a woman who has witnessed many occasions of the birth of courtly love, I was greatly compelled after reading Andreas Capellanus’s great work to similarly share my knowledge. Here you have the work created to this end. Through my many observations, I have been able to identify characteristics and qualities that all ladies lucky enough to be in love seem to share. I have collaborated with Andreas Capellanus to collect all of my findings in one volume. As potential future recruits of Lady Love yourselves, I invite you to use what I have learned through experience as a way of preparing yourself for love to come.
            ~Marie de France

BOOK ONE

How to Display Your Worth

Before you can ever hope for Lady Love to find you, it is imperative that you first show her your worth. Of course, this is most often hinted at by a noble or courtly upbringing. I have found in my observations that Love favors the nobility. Even the nobility, however, cannot depend on birthrights alone. There are other qualities a woman must possess that enhance her nobility. And for those women lacking the graces of a courtly life, these qualities will increase your worth and prevent Lady Love from overlooking you. Take care to heed the advice in the following chapters—in doing so you will be well on your way to becoming an excellent candidate for Love. Only by carefully molding your worth will you be able to invite Love in.

CHAPTER I. HOW TO INTERACT WITH OTHERS

The most noble and worthy of all ladies understands the importance of refined behavior. A well-displayed knowledge of the conventions of courtly life will only bring good things to you. Above all else, you should be polite in everything you say and do. Always conduct yourself in a well-tempered manner. When participating in conversation, form courteous, measured responses that agree with your station and the station of the other participant. Your actions should similarly agree with your breeding. Always carry yourself with a dignity that indicates you belong to your station or one better. What is more, take care to follow all rules and expectations in existence for your class. Doing so will serve to reaffirm your courtly knowledge and will open you up to the praise of others.

Should you find yourself to be a recipient of praises, take care to accept the praises in a humble manner. A well-bred and courtly lady must never agree too readily or sing her own praises. Similarly, should you be lucky enough to find yourself entertaining proposals of love from men of the court, take heed never to accept or dismiss too quickly. It is the mark of a well-bred lady to grant every proposal with equal consideration. In doing so, you will appear to be the very essence of refinement. This display of courteousness is simply the first step towards showing your full worth to Lady Love.

CHAPTER II. HOW TO AVOID FICKLENESS

            In correctly conducting your interactions in a refined and courtly manner, a worthy lady is also displaying her wisdom. Wisdom is the mark of a noble lady and is also a sign the lady is anything but fickle. Fickleness is the enemy of Love, and as such should be avoided at all costs. Use your wisdom to make yourself a worthy companion, both in conversation and in love. In tricky situations, make sure to show your skillfulness and resourcefulness. Your ability to handle any situation is a visible mark of your perception and intelligence. If you are able to display this, you will never be considered flighty or fickle by others.
           Lady Love places a high value on commitment to helping the hero, whether that hero is your partner in Love or not. Commitment and loyalty to others is a mark of your wisdom in all situations. Similarly, you should always be willing to hear out those who fault you. It is a mark of a lady’s rational, reasonable thinking and commitment to relationships to show this quality. If a worthy partner is witness to this quality, Love will surely be invited to enter.

CHAPTER III. HOW TO ENHANCE PHYSICAL BEAUTY

            Physical beauty itself is not what Lady Love is drawn to. However, beauty is a mark of nobility and courtliness and therefore can increase the attraction of Love to you. Any display of a lady’s beauty should highlight her elegance above all else, for elegance indicates refinement and a lack of fickleness. Should you want to enhance your physical beauty to heighten elegance, pay particular attention to your face. Your eyes should sparkle and if you are lucky enough to have been blessed with a well-set nose, you should do all you can to make that apparent. Your mouth and face should be made to appear fair and your hair should be made to shine. Your skin should be clean and powdered so as to appear pale. Everything about your physical beauty should seem delicate and bright.
           Should great despair encounter you, do not worry that your beauty will be ruined. For it is a fact that if you take great care, any beauty despair stripped from you will readily be restored. Similarly, any hint that Love may come will do great things to enhancing beauty.
           To enhance your beauty even further, I have found that placing yourself in close proximity to flowers has a large effect on how easily your beauty is recognized. As delicate objects themselves, flowers are the ideal source of comparison for your own physical beauty. Should you ever find yourself in a situation in which you want your beauty to be readily recognized, simply surround yourself with flowers. The comparison will be easily made by all who look at you. These steps towards beauty will enhance your appearance of courtliness and draw Lady Love to you.

CHAPTER IV. HOW TO MOLD YOUR CHARACTER

            The final steps to take towards making yourself ready for Love involve your character. The qualities that follow serve to make you approachable and this is imperative when inviting Love in. You should take care to be cheerful when possible. Except when plagued by great despair, cheerfulness is always the preferred expression of personality. If you are unlucky enough to encounter times of great despair, a display of your sensitivity is a virtue. It is an indication of your well-breeding and proper understanding of all things. You should also do your best to be comforting in any and every situation. This not only speaks highly of your character, but also of your loyalty and commitment to others as mentioned before. A combination of all of these qualities (a cheerful disposition, willingness to display sensitivity, and ability to comfort others) will paint you in a likeable light. It is this quality that is perhaps the most important. For if you are not likeable in the slightest, Lady Love has absolutely no hope of finding and approaching you. Take great care, then, in all that you do and in all of your interactions that you may be considered likeable by all you meet. This, in addition to everything else that has been written here, will prepare you well for a life in Love.

BOOK TWO

Caution in Love

            With attention paid to all that I have shared here from my own experiences and many observations, Love will be sure to approach any lady. When Lady Love does come to you, accept her embrace by all means, but do not throw caution to the wind. Love does have many graces, but can also madden and cause pain, as I have witnessed on many occasions. Do not under any circumstances abandon your wisdom and refinement once you have entered into love with another.
            Be cautious of the fickleness of men, for even if your own fickleness is in check, theirs may not be. Men are often secretive and sneaky—every man is a liar. Do not be pulled in by their deceptions.
            Men are easily led astray. Many ladies in love often find their partner pulled from them by a quest or by the misguided words of another man. When in love, always be on your guard so that you do not fall victim to this as well.
            Similarly, men are always engaged in a continual quest to reaffirm their worth. They are therefore often distracted and in constant need of reassurance. Giving this reassurance can become quite tiresome. However, better that you give it than lose your man to someone else.
            A man does not love a woman with his whole heart, because he will always love the praise of others, adventure, and combat as well. Know this before entering into Love and you will not experience tremendous disappointment.
            I do not write any of this to frighten or discourage. Instead I write these words to caution and prepare. When you are invited in by Lady Love, enter with your eyes wide open and you will be well rewarded. I end this work with complete faith that all I have shared will allow you to display your worth to both Lady Love and those who seek to be joined to you in Love.