ueensuarterly Our two guests in this issue, Queen Emma and the original devious diva of poison apple fame, the Evil Queen, have graciously allowed us to interview them! These two radiant royals have dropped in to advise all of you aspiring monarchs how to support your most viable offspring (and how to alienate the rest).
To begin, let’s start with your rags to riches story, which for some may just be riches to BIGGER riches. How did you come to power?
EMMA: I was a queen. and then my husband was defeated by a different king. So then I became queen again. But I made sure my kids would be guaranteed the throne. If you’re already a queen, why downsize--you know?
EVIL QUEEN: I married a king. Then he passed away under some mysterious circumstances that I had nothing to do with, and then I became Head Queen in charge, so to speak.
Looking at your children, how do you know when a child will be successful?
EMMA: Boys are a good bet, but ideally you're looking for elder sons and sons of ruling monarchs. You want to raise sons who can be kings, and sons who can raise armies if you need them to raise hell.
EQ: I agree with Emma that girl children, particularly those left over by some former queen, are a nuisance. Frankly, I would advocate for no spawn at all and keep the power for myself, but I realize that idea might not be so popular with Emma’s male contemporaries.
What do you recommend queens do with problematic procreative outcomes (if you get my drift)?
EMMA: Starting fresh is so important to creating a lasting dynasty. If you or your new beau have any kiddos who preceded your most recent kingly nuptials, it’s a good idea to get them out of harm’s (and your own) way! France has some lovely boarding schools.
EQ: Your best bet is to send them very far away. Further than France. Perhaps beyond this earthly plane, even.
What about the kids you think might be winners? What do you do with them?
EMMA: Dote on them! After all, it worked with Empress Judith and her little Charles. For me, my Harthacnut was sure to be king, but just to be certain, I nagged him to make my Alfred his successor. Extra insurance, you see.
EQ: Again with the children! I am an independent queen here. My reign may date from before your time, but I don’t intend to pander to some little scamps to keep my crown.
EMMA: And perhaps that’s why you lost your battle, hmm?
EQ: Perhaps. Then again, I wasn’t married twice, so who’s to say?
So perhaps the mother of a country need not be mother of a bouncing babe. Who is to say, except the culture and pervasive gendered expectations of the time? Thanks so much to our guests for their insightful comments. Keep your eyes peeled for our next issue, where we will have expert Pauline Stafford elucidate this complicated quagmire of motherhood and queenship.
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