Pssh. Yeah, right. Turn a few more pages and eventually it’ll start to be about me in, what, the eighth paragraph? Yup, looks like it. Ok, I know it’s pretty flattering to have a whole text dedicated to my life and saintliness, but it is just a little weird I don’t make a true appearance in “The Older Life” until page four. Whatever. I’m only taking this trip down memory lane because I thought I could get a kick out of how this whole thing is laid out and consider my thoughts on it.
First off, there seems to be a bit of concern around exactly how Henry and I met, and, quite frankly, I appreciate that that whole situation triggers a few red flags. I mean, this boy hears that I’m “well-trained in literary studies” and of noble ancestry and can’t control himself? Then, he sends his friend to spy on me to see if I’m actually hot, then even comes to double check himself later on; which, 1. that’s just plain creepy, and 2. I am. But hold your horses - the dressing up in disguise and spying on a teenage girl isn’t even the weirdest part. This text just skims over the idea that the next morning we all hopped on the road together, unbeknownst to ANY of my family members, and rode to a wedding where Henry might as well have shaken my hand and introduced himself to me for the first time across the altar. To clear the air here, no, I didn’t exactly want to go with this random dude, but what was I supposed to do? Look at the important man with his big friends swinging swords and tell them I wasn’t feeling it?
Although a wedding wasn’t my ideal first date, my ultimately loving and close bond with Henry did allow me to become the person I am remembered as today and for that, as well as my close relationship with him, I am genuinely thankful. I also understand that this text of my life is meant to honor me, and that I’m lucky, especially as a woman, to receive this respect, however the fairy-tale form in which it is told is a liiiittle much. What’s the point of being a saint when it doesn’t even seem real? I mean, look at The Later Life’s freakin introduction: “Here begins the praiseworthy Life of the Glorious Queen Mathilda.” Can’t my actions speak for themselves? Both “lives” also introduce me at the beginning in reference to my outward appearance. I know that we often use this to reflect a beautiful inside, but is that even necessary?
I do believe that my humility should be shared and honored, as people can learn how valuable these aspects in oneself are, but can we be realistic? The texts go from how good I look to talking about people who aren’t even me - whether it be my husband or my beloved son. I love you guys, but what the hell? I practiced complete and utter devotion as well as compassion. I left my husband’s side at night by choice to pray to the Lord, and not just because he snored like a pig. I poured my heart into building monasteries and providing land for churches. I did anything for the people, MY people… God’s people. And when I got crap for it? For “weakening the kingdom” I was sent away by my own son and you better believe I was pissed. But one must always remember humility and faith, and I knew I was doing the right thing so I stuck by it and soon people came to realize they were all wrong. And when it was time for my husband, my partner, to depart from my side on this Earth, I remained his wife, HIS partner, through my mourning and praying for him - that is what was right. To fully devote one’s life to others even after life, to devote oneself to faith.
THIS is what those texts should have be more about. I would love to be remembered more so because of what I did and the characteristics I embodied and lived by. There’s no need for all this flamboyant B.S. added on to my story. Tell it like it is, because it’s pretty damn good.
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