I am sitting at the most elaborate of wedding ceremonies and can’t help but be distracted by the hideous face of a woman by the name of Waldrada. Waldrada? What kind of an ugly name is that? Sounds like a form of rotten pottage. It suits her face, that’s for sure. Here I am, stuck in the back row next to Hubert, but his constant comfort is the last thing I need. It is really beginning to piss me off. I get that we had sex, but that does not give you the right to lay a finger on me or ask me if I am feeling okay. That is the role of a husband, not a brother. He already did enough by bullying Lothar into marrying me. I don’t need his services any more.
My husband is sitting so far away from me, about to be married off to some rich bitch from Sachsen, and I can’t help but feel the utmost jealousy. Can we please just excommunicate her already? I would really appreciate it. Does Lothar not see how much of a better wife I am than Waldrada? He really downgraded from a 10 to a 6, at best. Why did she feel the need to re-enter his life and ruin everything? I get that they had an affair before, but that doesn’t mean Lothar can just decide he is still in love with Waldrada and all of a sudden marry her. Stop trying to hold onto the past, thanks.
Now the ceremony is starting, and I am still trying to find where I went wrong. I just can’t seem to identify any given time in which I was a poor wife to Lothar. I know I am sterile, but legitimizing a son shouldn’t be the only reason to commit to someone — Hugh can’t even assume royalty, especially not with that name. I know I committed incest, but that is in the PAST. I publicly confessed to my sins, and I regret my foolish actions. Part of being a good wife is admitting to mistakes and being upfront and honest. That is exactly what I did.
I did everything for Lothar and didn’t ask for much in return. I washed his dirty body, made love to him on the gloomiest days, and even though I may not have built monasteries and fed the poor, I cared for him, and I will do so even after he dies. I am literally the perfect wife, and yet, I am met with such disrespect and lack of consideration for my emotions. I feel like a woman who has just learned her husband was writing letters to another girl. I feel humiliated.
I can’t bear to keep watching the progression of this awful wedding ceremony. My family forced me to attend out of “respect” for the Lotharingia family, but I am honestly only here for the hor dourves at this point. I will never turn down some warm manchet bread, just like I would never turn down Lothar. You know why? Because I am a GOOD WIFE!! How can he not see this? Is he blind? I am literally waving a sign in front of his face that says I am a good wife, and yet, he leaves me for another woman. It is paining me to witness him profess his vows to Waldrada — a moment the two of us once shared. I remember that moment vividly. I believed every word he said, and wanted nothing more than to place that ring on my finger and seal our fate forever. But alas, forever is only a temporary concept, and here I am observing his marriage ceremony to a woman who has a higher aristocratic standing than I.
Marriage shouldn’t be about picking out the best of the best, it should be about compatibility. Our compatibility score was off the charts, and that was what made our marriage special. Our love was fragile, like twig on a hawthorn tree. But the twig has now frosted over, and will remain frozen forever. The rays will never again appear to melt the ice.
I wanted to be with him because he made me happy. Even though our marriage was arranged, I grew to love the man who lived beneath the wealth and status that was on the surface. I thought I was what he needed, not because he could wear me on his arm like a concubine, but because I was in his thoughts as he went to bed at night, and he would wake up eager to lay his eyes on me. I added to his life, but now he has subtracted everything we ever had. It was all for nothing. But I know I will hold onto it forever. Maybe I will find a new man who will see the value in my companionship and think of me as a good wife. Maybe I will find a new spouse with whom I can have a forever.
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