A Game of Courtship in King Arthur's Court (or, Medieval Tinder)

It happened once that a merchant came to the court of King Arthur, and that merchant was of lands fabled and distant. When asked from whence he came he replied, “Callifournya,” and many clamoured to hear more for none had heard of such a place. He had travelled many years in search of the king’s court, and so did Arthur welcome him well and bestow upon him many gifts of incomparable quality: a cloak of the richest wool lined with ermine, rare jewels so clear and bright that light might have passed through such as through a window, and the finest steed of Arthur’s stable to speed his journey. Such was the generosity of King Arthur and his court.

The night went on with much feasting and hearty drinking, and at the king’s bidding the merchant was pressed to tell a tale of his journey, for surely he had many to tell. The merchant agreed, and said: “Often when I was a boy I heard stories told of a certain custom, and ere my 18th sun I did not think it truth. Yet it is truth indeed, and so I tell it.

"In many towns of Callifournya, many a fine lady will seek a husband through a ritual unknown in the land of Arthur. She will have many portraits painted, and with great care select the four or five which best show her complexion, and, taking care to hide any unbecoming features, she will have the portraits put up in the great hall of her palace. And her ladies-in-waiting will together write a few words, which together may describe the whole of her self. And the description will advise any suitors – for indeed, such a lady will often receive many suitors – of her parentage, her fine qualities, and what she seeks of them.

“On a fine and cloudless night, she will invite the fine ladies and gentlemen of the court to her great hall, or else she will visit theirs, and they too will have prepared portraits, and small letters of commendation, to be shown in the hall, and each may write a short letter to their favoured suitor, and set it beside that lady or lordship’s portrait. Thus may each know whose favour he has gained, and whose favour he may be encouraged to seek. A short correspondence may then be engaged before the proposal of union.”

At this there was great uproar and astonishment at such a curious tradition, and the young knights Sir Gawain and Sir Yvain proposed that, in the spirit of welcoming for which Arthur’s court is famed throughout all lands far East and West, the ladies and lords of the court might select a portrait and write a commendation, and in a matter of hours the court of Camelot might be transformed into a court of Callifournya, and so would the night be passed in revelry. Arthur gave his approval, and so it was."

- A Night In The Court of King Arthur

By an anonymous servant, to record for posterity the great revelry and joy of that night.

Four such Portraits as Seen in the Great Hall of King Arthur

Name: Yvain

Age: 27

Occupation: Knight in the Court of King Arthur

Bio: Son of King Urien. The most noble, the most worthy, and the most handsome lord ever descended from Abel’s line. Lion & I are a package deal.

“So did the son of King Urien write, and as he was recognizable among all as a taper among candles, as the moon among the stars, as the sun in comparison with the moon, so did many ask his hand. That night I recall he was often occupied with many a maiden in the joyous company of his friend Sir Gawain son of King Lot.”

Name: Avtandil

Age: 31

Occupation: Commander-In-Chief of the Arabian Armies

Bio: Bright sun and lion of Arabia. Not interested, just looking for someone. Swipe ONLY if your name is Tariel, for no one can afford me more joy than the joy of gazing upon him. (Or Tinatin.)

“This Prince of Arabia, who shone like a crystal in the tender embrace of his brother the sun, was often admired by the maidens and knights of Arthur’s court. Yet he paid no heed to them and seemed constantly in the throes of tears. This night was much the same as the previous.”

Name: Alyson

Age: 37

Occupation: Pilgrim

Bio: Wanna be my sixth husband? If thy legges and feet be clene and faire, you might just be the one.

“Of the pilgrims to King Arthur’s court it has been said that they are a rowdy and lewdly mannered bunch. None moreso than this woman of Bath, upon whose departure the court shall have four fewer gentlemen and double the quiet.”

Name: Lunete

Age: 21

Occupation: Lady in the Court of Laudine

Bio: Attractive and of dark-brown hair. A wise, intelligent, and shrewd young lady. Swipe only if you consider yourself a knight exceeding Gawain.

“This sage counselor to the Lady Laudine was never so becoming as on this night of festivities, and received many a remark from the goodly knights of King Arthur. The jests were widely appreciated and only once was Sir Gawain bodily restrained in the course of the evening.”

An Example of such Correspondence as was had in the Court that Night

Sir YVAIN has MATCHED with LUNETE

YVAIN

*A rap at the door*

LUNETE

Hark! Who goes there?

YVAIN

Lady, it is I, Gawain.

LUNETE

A fine name indeed but I know not thy family.

Gawain whom, pray tell?

YVAIN

Gawain and show me thy bosoms

LUNETE has UNMATCHED with Sir YVAIN

And another:

Sir YVAIN has MATCHED with ALYSON

YVAIN

To tell you the truth, I am an ambassador sent to thee from the court of Love to entrust to Your Prudence the solution of a certain doubt: In which woman does a good character deserve more praise – in a woman of noble blood, or in one who is known to have no nobility of family?

ALYSON

Cease the blathering and tell me how are thy legs

YVAIN

Well-turned, my lady.

ALYSON

This I note in thy portrait

Good fortune were we to encounter each other at the orchard in an hour's time xx