Dearly Depraved

Dearly Depraved,

My memories of childhood are sweet: every endeavor rewarded by some lovely thing. My unskilled hands grew tired as I learned to spin, yet at the end of each day’s work some special treat was there to greet me. I later often thought I might grow weary of learning letters, but a new toy, or a longed-for doll was recompense for hours spent practicing. My mother, especially, was affectionate towards me, never rebuking me for childish exuberance as I snatched stolen kisses.

But now I am older, and I am told it is time to put away childish things. My father wrote to a learned man when I was only an infant, asking how best he might ensure I was brought up in the path of righteousness.  My mother wished that I should be devoted to a virgin life. I am grateful for their care and for the wise counsel offered concerning me, however I find myself torn.

I do not wish to turn away from all worldly things. Having experienced the love of a mother, I wish to offer this love to my own child. My family is not poor, nor do they suffer want of social connections. A marriage could easily be contracted. And yet my parents are convinced I should remain forever apart from the world they were allowed themselves.

 The advice my father received when I was so young lamented the short-sightedness of men who behaved as if they would live forever even as the world crumbled around them. I too hear of ‘wars and rumours of wars,’ and yet I do not wish to live my life continually expecting the end of the world. What if the end doesn’t come?

Am I mistaken in my thoughts? Is it necessary that I continue to shun all worldly things? Do I risk my eternal soul if I do not continue on a path of celibacy?

Sincerely,

Previously Addressed Child Avoiding Temptation Until Law Allows

Dearest PACATULA,

To you, my sister in Christ, I send greetings in the Lord.

Firstly, remember the wisdom of your parents and their great good love for you, in seeking the best advice possible on how you might be brought up. They have shown themselves interested not only in your happiness while in this earth, but in the eternal well-being of your soul. While they may seem quick to restrict and command, they have shown great love for you with each rule given.

Still, you ask me something else: whether it is wrong for you to wish to do as they have and raise children of your own. I answer that this is not wrong in and of itself, though it is not perhaps the best thing you could do. Your parents have given you the ability to lead a life of service to the Lord, thinking of Him and His kingdom only. What earthly task could compare?

But if you are determined that you would have a family, you have not chosen a thing which puts your soul in peril. As long as you are willing to obey the constraints placed upon you by our faith: namely that you marry one man and remain with him, chaste whenever possible, you may still do good. For you have at least chosen the best reason to turn to a partnership with another – that is, in order to procreate. You may find as well that the bond of companionship between you and your spouse allows you to serve the Lord together as you could not do separately; I encourage you to make this your aim.

So, while I would urge you to follow the path your parents have chosen for you, it is not an irredeemable sin to think as you do. However, before considering a match, honour your mother and father by again giving their wishes heed. Is there any other way you might fulfill your needs? Are there no abandoned children - no orphans known of in your town - whom you might be able to benefit with your own resources and knowledge? Turn to them first – see if service in this way might turn your heart away from the need to have responsibility for only one set of children of your own.  You may find you are as satisfied attending to children who already exist as you would be bringing more into existence. 

- DD